We're being disinherited?
Hello... This is my first time posting here, but I find myself in need of advice... any helpful thoughts and opinions will be welcome... thank you in advance!
So... my Dad (early 70s) had a stroke around this time last year. Physically he has recovered pretty well, but he has a lot of trouble speaking still, understanding things, memory problems etc. My younger Brother (mid 20s) was living at home still and didn't have a job... he said that he wanted to care for our Dad, so he became his carer. Earlier this year, my older Brother and I (both mid-late 40s) found out that our younger Brother had been stealing money from our Dad's bank account... in total Â£15,000 was missing. Our Dad didn't want this reported to the police, so there were no repercussions. My older Brother took control (with our Dad's blessings) of our Dad's finances, though not in a legal capacity. I mention this, because I don't know my younger Brother very well... I didn't grow up with him and have never lived with him... so all I really know about him is that he's never had a job, my Dad supports him financially, and he has stolen a large amount of money.
A month ago, my older Brother and I found out that our Dad now wants to change his will... he wants to leave his house to our younger Brother. We are both very hurt about this, and just have no idea what to do. We know what we could do legally, and have been told that we may have a good case to say that our Dad is no longer able to make his own financial decisions, such as changing his will. We're not sure yet whether we want to take that route though... it seems so wrong to be challenging our Dad's decisions, even if he doesn't fully understand what he's doing. Or maybe he does, and this really is what he wants? Or maybe our younger Brother somehow talked our Dad into this... I don't know... we have no proof of that.
I have always been close to my Dad. There haven't been any arguments or anything. I love him dearly, and see him regularly.
I guess what I'm asking is... should I feel as hurt by this as I do? Should I just let it go and leave my Dad to make his own decisions, or should we potentially cause a rift in the family and take the legal route? Do we have any moral right to do anything at all?
You have every right to feel hurt but the best advice is to respect your Dad's wishes. Your Dad was happy to have your younger brother as his carer and what's happening with your Dad's bank account is best left between him and his youngest son. It was, and still is, their business to sort.
You have a legal avenue to take when the time comes concerning the will, but it's not so much about causing a rift within the family now if you decide to do something about it, rather, it's morally about letting your Dad live his remaining days in peace and comfort. Worry about the will and your younger brother's transgression when the time is right.
You and your older brother need to realize that if this younger brother is taking care of elderly father, he needs to be compensated. There is day care issues, personal hygiene issues, food prep, cleaning, shopping, laundry to be done, etc. Your brother deserves to be paid for his services.
Perhaps Dad wants to leave the home to this brother in lieu of his work in taking care.
In any case, to change his will, he needs to sit down with his lawyer. Find out if the lawyer sees any influence from this younger brother.
Right now, how does the will read?
"I guess what I'm asking is... should I feel as hurt by this as I do? Should I just let it go and leave my Dad to make his own decisions"
There are 10 of us.
No.3 stays in our parent's house, got married and continue to stay with them.
Each of us contributed to our parent's livelihood.
Dad passed on 12 years ago.
No.3 was added as joint-owner of my parent's house.
3 years ago mum suffered dementia.
Each of us up the monthly amount we contribute to get a live-in helper for mum.
No.6 and no.8, both had a (nice) sum of (mum's) money for safekeeping. (I am one of them)
Both were approached by no. 3, requested for the money to be transferred to him.
His reason.. Easier for him to handle if in need of hospitalization.
(May I add, actually no. 5 handles mum's hospitalization, twice so far)
Both Full Amount was transferred, not a cent withheld, with no questions asked.
We didn't feel hurt (nor harbor any negativity). We didn't just let it go because there was nothing to let go.
Our parents worked hard and brought us up. The best we can do (return the favor, if you like) is to make sure they feel blessed, loved and enjoy everyday-peace.
Peace be with you.