Confused about marriage
MARIPOSA - Sep 13 2016 at 19:15
I am married now for 26 years and my relationship with my spouse is now in a big shift. I really have to admit to myself now that I am not comfortable with being in a marriage where my spouse wants to now identify as being polyamorous and wanting to explore that lifestyle. In theory and the searches I have done on the internet about being poly make sense but it does not make sense for me. I see that there are some poly/mono relationships that work but it is not my cup of tea. I do know that I love my spouse but I feel a shift in how I am able to express love for my spouse. I feel that I am grieving the monogamous relationship we use to share. Just needed a place to vent my grief and to see if others have the same feelings with this kind of experience.
I understand this should be an agreed upon lifestyle. We are in counseling and we are starting to process how our relationship is shifting. Thanks for the response.
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Current research is showing the women's sexual desire for her partner starts to deminish immedately after they are secure in a committed relationship. That continues consistently for her but doesn't occur for him. He realizes what is happening but she doesn't. He thinks she is falling out of love and he misses the passion. She thinks everything is normal.
Research is also showing women's sexual desire (which she usually doesn't recognize) is much more varied and easily stimulated than men's. But it is the new that wakes her up. A woman can decline to a point of having no desire or very little desire but a new attentive man can ignite her desire to the max.
Perhaps you should think swinging first. It doesn't have the same emotional envolement or time commitments and it is something you share and do together. It's probably less threatning and easier to back away from. Just be prepared for you to get into it more and take the lead.