Hard to believe
REALLY50 - Sep 14 2016 at 11:29
Around a year ago my gf had a brief affair when I returned to my country to visit family. I pieced two and two together through a fb chat of hers with another friend. (I don't snoop, but her fb was somehow open on my fb) I exposed her and subsequent drama unfolded, she was so sorry etc, tears and the usual shenanigans.
For some reason we still met and gradually got back together. Though, she changed her story from meeting the guy to being raped by the guy. I just didn't believe it tbh as she also said she went to his house not once but twice! And that he blackmailed her by saying he would contact me through fb, therefore she was worried and went there again. I know that after this incident she was still chatting to guys on tinder when I returned off holiday.
A long story short we have split a few times and got back together. She is fine most of the time. I must add that I'm not blameless in all this. I did chat to a couple of girls on Skype as she was snooping on me at that time. These were just old acquaintances, wrong I know. One final point is that the last few times I've tried to break away she has threatened suicide. Now we are back together she's fine. I'm not sure I can be with someone who is good most of the time..but these doubts cast a dark shadow for me. Advice please? Ps I'm thinking of pulling the plug completely soon.
Thanks in advance.
Go with your gut instinct if you think there's trust issues as you say pull the plug. Although you could wait it out for a short period and see what happens like giving her one more chance. But that's up to you.
The good thing here is you're not married and I highly recommend you never do.
We all instinctively know if our partner is the right one for us or not and we all know whether being in a relationship is worth the continued daily effort. Regardless of what's happened in your relationship in the past, it's what you can see in the future for it and if you can't see a future together, then you need to end it now rather than later.
Your Gf's threat of suicide is emotional manipulation to control you and her relationship with you, but only you know if she's serious or not. If she is serious, then she needs professional help but your responsibility is to alert her family and others about it if that's possible and your further responsibility is to talk to her in a no nonsense way about ending it for good.
Going by your post, which tells us about the lack of trust and your doubt but says nothing about love, you have no reason to stay in this relationship any longer.
Thanks for your advice everyone. It's much appreciated, somehow I think it's harder to cut all contact in this day and age with all the ways of communicating. I tried to analyse the problem which isn't a bad thing, however ending up back together has probably made things worse in the long run. Time to pull the plug completely now I think. The cover up story (gut feeling as it doesn't add up at all) is now worse than the actual betrayal. Along with the suicide manipulation factor I think it's time for a fresh start. Hopefully she's learnt from this saga as I have. Thanks again. Ps my gf isn't a terrible person. I believe she's been stupid, but knows if she told the truth I'd definitely leave. Pps you're so right on the gut feeling thing.
a relationship that has all that I am sorry to say I don't see a future to it..here are my thoughts u r facing the same problem over and over again so it's not like a 1 mistake thing that u can work it out somehow I see these kind of relationship toxic... sorry to say that but seriously a good relationship should make a better version of urself