Depressed over my work life
Recently I have changed Job twice, I left my recruitment sales role I had been at for a few years since I had left school to work in a new field (which unfortunately still involved sales). I was only there for 4 months and I got really depressed, my boss was a micromanager and every day I'd get home and cry - I'd have terrible anxiety every morning and felt awful. I pretty much began job searching the second month in. I really wanted a job not involving sales but I ended up going back into recruitment. The offer was great and the atmosphere seemed perfect. I'm now 2 weeks into this role and my anxiety levels are the highest they've ever been - I suddenly feel as though I can't talk to anyone how I used to, I feel completely left out of the clicky atmosphere and immediately feel stupid for taking on another sales role when I new I wanted to leave it. Now I feel completely stuck, because I'm afraid if I leave this job it will damage my CV and look odd to employers. I have now been having panic attacks on my journey home and to work, worrying about the day ahead of me. I dread leaving the house and I feel so low, I randomly just panic and worry and can feel my heart beating fast throughout certain parts of the day which makes me feel exhausted. Even though I can do the job, I just feel completely in the wrong place and it's making me feel really depressed. My family have said to stay and see it out for a few years and that it's normal to feel some anxiety but I have it really bad, I just feel like I've made a big mistake but have no idea what to do next. I'd appreciate some advice perhaps from past experience and how to overcome something like this or what I should do about it?
There seems to be 2 parts to your problem. One is that there is some sort of guilt or regret that you have ended up in another sales job. The second seems to be your relationship with your co-workers ie. clicky atmosphere etc. It is important when you have any problem to look at it squarely and analyze it carefully.
Let's look at the second issue which is your co-workers. To an extent this could be consequence of your first issue. Anyway, when you are new in any job it takes time for you to blend it with your colleagues. They are new to you and will over time come around after sometime. This is something that happens to all of us when we start new somewhere.
Now, for the second issue you have it appears that you "can do the job" hence the work itself does not pose a problem for you. The problem then must be your ability to accept the fact that you are back in another sales job which you did not want to. There is a conflict in you that you should not be in this job. But what is most important here is that you can handle the job technically, physically or otherwise. So you see there is no problem with the job it is only a mental perception that you are doing what you should not.
Every time you get a panic attack or anxious just keep remembering you are a capable person and can handle the job well. Then over time these negative thoughts will vanish. I think you are a very capable person so you will come out of this a better person. Please believe in yourself.