CATEMITTON - Sep 19 2016 at 02:56
My husband and I have been together for the past 3.5 years. We have two children together plus two other children from previous relationships.
I did not take care of him emotionally, and so he started to seek that kind of attention elsewhere. When I found out about it, I tried to explain to him that he was having an emotional affair and tried to fix that issue in our marriage. He continued to text and interact with this woman (they work together) and also told me that if she want married that he would marry her in a heart beat. I was 6 months pregnant at the time.
He soon left me and the kids after and got together with another woman. After I had his daughter, I moved back to Denver and out all the kids in daycare and got a job and a place. He started texting me telling me that he missed me and the kids and that he wanted us to come back. That he would try to make us work.
I quit my job and left everything to make out marriage work. A week after I came back I noticed that he kept his phone locked and was very secretive. I unlocked his phone and found text messages between him and the woman he told me that he had left. Some of the messages said that he loved her and that I didn't mean anything to him and that it was a big mistake having me and the kids come back into his life.
I confronted him about it. I was doing everything that he had ever asked me to do, do I did not understand why he was doing this. He told me that he was hanging onto her because he didn't want me to hurt him again.
The next day he told me that he wanted to be friends with me and to be with her. I broke down crying and he went outside and called her. The next morning he told me that he wanted to try one last time. And that is where I am at right now. He won't talk to me, and the woman that he was having an emotional affair with is still on the picture. I was going down on him earlier and she texts him. He responds back to her multiple times while I am still going down on him. Eventually I stop and he gets upset and tells me that I made it awkward.
I want my marriage to work stop bad, but I have no idea what I can do to fix things. It's hard for me to be loving and show him physical affection after everything that has happened since I have came back. Any advice would be very helpful.
"I did not take care of him emotionally " does not give him the passport to cheat. Don't blame yourself.
1) .. soon he left me..
2) .. I moved back to Denver..
3)... he missed me and the kids
3).. I quit my job and left everything to make my marriage work..
4) ... the woman is still in the picture
5)...tells me that I made it awkward...
Looks like he wants his main course (family-wife and kids) and his dessert (affair-another woman) and you should not have a reaction to it. (no.5)
Did you feel more at peace with yourself when you were at no. 2 ?
Do you want to stay in a marriage where he cheats right under your nose, right in front of you?
Marriage, like all other relationships, is a two-way street.
In your case, I don't see "repentance" on his part. At all.
Be strong, think deeply and start planning.
If you (still) want to save your marriage, forgive, forgive and keep forgiving, love, love and keep loving.... To feel less hurt, put a distance between you and him emotionally.
Take care of yourself.
He is wrong. You deserve better simply because you have to keep your kids in mind. And if your not at the best mental health it will affect the kids too.
But I'm not going to be a hypocrite, I empathize a lot with forgiving and wanting to move on.
Even though it's NOT your fault, maybe you understand him and could see how this all happened.
He needs to stop seeing her for your kids.
And you need to tell her to step away from your family. It's tearing the family apart.
And whether we like it or not it's going to directly affect our kids.
Go to a church marriage counselor or any counselor.he needs to stop behavin like like an adolescent and get out of this love triangle. Because his kids are involved. I hope things work for the better. I really do.