Husband cheating online
Hi, so, I found out last night my husband has created a fake Facebook account and has been dirty talking and proclaiming love etc to multiple women since 2010.
I have no idea what to think about this, the level of deceit is huge.
He's begging me to give him another chance etc
I just don't know what to think, he keeps saying he's not physically cheated, but he's been messinging them, loads of messages everyday
I cannot face talking to anyone I know about this, please talk to me
hey i know what you are dealing with my husband did the same to me and all i did was give him everything i had
You need to quiet down your mind and search for answers within you:
"keeps saying he's not physically cheated.."
IF this is true, are you willing to forgive him?
".. begging me to.."
Can you trust him IF he promised not to do it again?
How long have you been married?
You're bound to be in shock and panic, hence won't know yet whether it's safe to forgive him (or, frankly, which way is Up, considering you thought you were the right way up already but received 'a message to the contrary' of your life). For that you need time for calming down and greater clarity. Yet how CAN you calm down without all the necessary answers for quieting your mind? Catch 22?
Nope. You HAVE all the answers already, you just haven't yet had nearly enough time to locate them from all around you as well as your memory banks. But it's all in there and out there, you bet your bum.
Since 2010. For six whole years he's been hard at romancing - via the emotional channel (the worst there is) - not one but many other women (that's something at least...means there's no love getting exchanged, just mutual EGO-FEEDING x however-many equally hungry/greedy food suppliers). If you were to put that on a set of scales opposite one actual cheating incident (emotional affair with one woman) lasting 6 months to a year, do you think one side would prove heavier or pretty much Even Stevens? In other words, don't try to measure this - WEIGH IT.
How big and heavy is the crime in your eyes (yours and the majority of women's), all past things and promises crucially considered, thus how hard will it be, do you think, for him to prove to point of YOUR convincement and conviction that he truly *wants* forgiveness (i.e. is ready never to do it again and instead to act like a teammate in sorting everything out so that it CAN'T happen again), and, more to the much-needed point, what do YOU want to happen from here/see him do or not do, and are you capable and is he (going by all you DO know) capable?
Start with spelling out what YOU want *and* would expect to happen in this situation between a wife per se, and then as well a wife of your quality, and him, the transgressor, that could make you feel sufficiently happily safe to  stay and  proceed further up the bonding path with him rather than bail out now. Get these spinning questions OUT of your head and onto 'paper', and then eliminate what are just fears and myths, so that you literally and genuinely free up a lot of the mental processing cylindry needed for finding the truth about what happened and why and whether you - WITH his lion's share help - can get past this ruddy great felled tree that he and only he allowed to fall on your joint path.
1. HOW did you so easily manage to find out? Are you a super-sleuth or...? The answer will reveal AN AWFUL LOT.
2. Did half of your mind go 'OMG!' and the other go 'OMG!' as well, or did one half go, 'I bloody knew it!!!'?
I am so sorry and I can relate to how you are feeling.
My story is similar but different.
My husband of 24 years has still held onto contact with ex-lovers and wives despite my fighting, begging, and bartering on many occasions over the decades.
Fast forward to 2016 when he crossed over the line in the sand and made an attempt to get together with the one ex that I had strongly forbade. She turned down his attempts but that doesn't negate that he tried.
So finally in July of this year - after dealing with this issue off and on for 27 years - I told him to choose - me or them - end all contact with your exes or I am getting a divorce and giving myself a chance to find someone that can live in the present and commit to me fully.
He chose end all contact to my face then snuck behind my back to continue contact.
In October I contacted a divorce attorney and then confronted him - he continued to lie to my face even after I told him I was holding evidence. It wasn't until I produced the evidence that he finally admitted his guilt.
I told him I already contacted a lawyer and I wanted him out or to start counseling.
He has had one session so far - next the counselor meets with me.
I am sick and tired - fed up - and out of patience. I am not saying that I haven't had a good marriage with him - but his secretiveness, hiding stuff, ABILITY to repeatedly lie to my face, and his inability to say good bye to his past - are just too much for me to deal with any more.
I turned 50 this year - he turned 65. CRAZY.
No more waiting - I was patient beyond belief but I am taking back the last 1/3 of my life - if he can not figure out how to earn my trust back.
Frustrated And 50 (or should that be 'frostrated'? ;-)),
Kudos to you for having finally put your foot properly down! And for having tried to inspire the OP and others in your boat to likewise show no mercy when a marital crime is that huge. However, if after 2 months the OP hasn't posted any response, we tend to consider the thread obsolete. So if inspiring and encouraging others in your boat is your aim or you want some hand-holding and/or moral support for finishing what you've started without fear of cracking, or even simply a discussion that helps you process all of this far faster - please don't be shy about starting your own thread? :-)