Hi, I'm known as Sunny44. I just cancelled a wedding after five years of dating to a man who has had an abortion by me (medically recommended) and still wants to have kids together and is still with me. I'm having two problems. First, I am an alcoholic who didn't drink for a year and a half and when wedding planning came around I couldn't handle the family pressure from either of our families and I ended up drinking two months out during my first planning session and again a week later when we went to finish planning. That was when we decided not to follow through with the wedding the way we had thought. ( I promised a year and that started me over.) The problem lies in this part that he is a smoker (spice) and I can't/haven't been able to tell his family about his issue. everyone knows I'm an alcoholic and I'm ok with that because I know I have safeguards checking me all the time and in the futer, but who's to say what happens with him. The second issue I have is that every time we argue or he gets upset with my drinking he contacts other girls. One is an old best friend who is married and she gives him good advice but it's inappropriate he contact her as a married woman with kids and the other is a single woman who knows nothing about us being together. I'm usually super private so I never announced we were engaged over social media. That's private. As should this information be but I can't do this alone anymore. Any thoughts would be appreciated I just can't stay in my head anymore. I'll drink and that isn't worth anything. Thanks anyone
Sunny, your man either supports you or he doesn't. He's either worth marrying or he isn't. Regardless of your addiction, your man should be talking to you about the issues that you guys share with you first and foremost. It's no good for him to talk to others no matter how well meaning their advice may be. You guys need to sort it yourselves.
All relationships need trust and in your situation, you need a partner who understands your addiction and who basically respects you and supports you. Your man needs to accept your circumstances and you need to ask yourself if your man is capable of this whether he's a syn smoker or not. If you argue about your drinking, then he's either failing to understand it and it's consequences or, after 5 years, he's still not 'with' you totally.
It's not so much that he contacts other woman, it's about that he fails to attempt to sort the issues you guys share together by going outside of your relationship. You guys basically need to seek advice together and go together, to remain together. Your post states that you're a very private person, but you need to talk to people who listen to you and most importantly, hear you.