What do you think her thoughts are? Could we possibly be together again?
JAY90T - Sep 25 2016 at 00:59
Hi there. I have a problem with a girl that I have lost all my hang ups on and I have admitted to myself that I love her.
I am a male in my mid 20's. Near the turn of the year I met a lovely girl and things developed quite fast. The girl had a child and it's the first time I've dated a girl with a child. As this was new to me I had issues committing and the female starting asking what "we were" to which I didn't really answer. I also kept on massaging other girls which backfired as I messaged a friend of hers. The dating fizzled out as a result and I admitted to myself that maybe it was for the best. During our time dating I never met the child and stayed in bed when the child got up for school etc. I didn't feel too comfortable as I was conscious the child was there and could walk in on us etc.
The girl I was seeing met someone else which didn't work out early on, I didn't know the latter for some time. Months after I regretted what happened and messaged her. She messaged back a week later and we started chatting. One night at 12pm she called me to ask me for a drink and stating we needed to chat about the mess we were in. I was feeling anxious thinking there might be another reason for the call and I said some honest things about being anxious about dating a mum when we were together that I immediately regretted. I lied my cards on the table and told her how I felt about her and I had grown up and didn't mind she was a mum at all and would be proud to meet the child should we be friends or more. A few months have passed and I feel like I messed things up during that phone call.
We met yesterday for coffee and she states beforehand that it was just as friends. It was her idea to meet for coffee when I asked her if she was out in town one night but replied saying she wasn'tÂ we could go for coffee sometime.
Do you think she sees a future with us at some point?
From a woman's perspective...you may have messed things up. Most women with children are looking for long term relationships with men who can take on the male role model. They want men who will gladly take on that role, be good to their children and enjoy the company of their kids. I think most women with kids also want to marry eventually. Your ex may not want any of these things. You need to find out by asking her what she wants in her life long term relationship wise. Or where she sees herself in the future, where she wants to be.
Then just be forthcoming and blunt. Ask her if she ever sees a future for the 2 of you or if you're wasting your time by Persuing her.
Before you even talk to her you need to figure your own issues out. You need to be 100% willing to be a role model. This means possibly maintaining a good relationship with the kid if things don't work out. It means being a 2nd dad and taking on major responsibilities. You'll need to be mature, nurturing and loving to a kid. The way you treat this child will mold the adult they will become. You can damage him as an adult or raise an amazing person. This means being there when the kid is sick, through hellish teen years and other rough patches. Can you really fill those shoes? If you can't see yourself being there through the worst times just forget everything now. It takes guts, a huge heart and tons of patience. You'll have to really love this woman and her kid to make this relationship work.
Keep in mind you're only in mid 20's so you may need to experience more and live a little more before taking on such a big responsibility. You need to figure out what you really want before you ask her what she wants! Sleep on it, don't rush into anything.
Also I'm not judging but something to ask yourself is how many other guys did she bring home into her bed when her kid was getting up in the morning. I have friends with kids who don't allow men around their kids. Just something to think about. You may be taking on more than you can handle if you jump into this relationship