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I need some serious advice here

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My problem is this. I had a high school sweetheart. We were in serious love but he went to the military and things kind of broke from there. This was 13 years ago we broke up, in 2003. In May or June 2004 I Spoke to him and he had a child. He was living far from me b/c of the military so I knew noone in that area. A child with someone who I believe he didn't have a relationship with. I really don't know any information about this girl. However I did hear a voicemail from her to him. She gave birth to the child and in the voicemail she stated how her aunt and uncle were adopting the child and moving to new york state but when it came time for that she had difficulty leaving her and she too was going with them to new york. That is literally all I know about the situation. Now...I am aware he met a girl and quickly married in 2005, being in the military that seems to be a thing. quickly marrying. He was with her until he passed away at 25 years old from cancer. I spoke to him via email right before he died but I didn't know he was dieing, neither did he, he died within 3 weeks of finding out he had cancer. His body was flown here, I met his wife who very nicely gave me some stuff he kept of our relationship. I still have contact with her and ofcourse his whole family because I was so close to them and they live where I live. My self and his cousin are the only 2 people who were aware of this child. His cousin always helped me to keep that secret. But now his cousin passed away 2 weeks ago. Very sad. Now I am left here with this secret alone. The child would be 12 years old now. My ex's parents I'm sure would love to know about her but I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess up anyone's life. This child for all I know could still be with her mother, think someone else is her father. I wouldn't know where to begin to even find her anyway. Wouldn't that make my ex's parents feel worse? To actually know they have a piece of their child out there but there is no way to find her. And I also don't want to hurt my ex's wife, who I'm sure doesn't know anything about this. I just don't know and I need advice. It's killing me.

I need some serious advice here

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hi there foreverlove5. i guess you are troubled because you feel it is your duty to inform his relatives about his child now that he's gone i think its your conscience that pushes you to tell them. conscience is God's inner voice on us, so follow your conscience. his wife (might) be hurt, but she surely will accept besides the affair happened even before she entered his life. good luck. and prat always

I need some serious advice here

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Since you are close to HER family, then encourage them to reach out to the grandparents of this child. (I am sure that paternity was established, so there's no mistaking of the child's heritage) Are they afraid they might make some kind of financial claim against the deceased's assets? Why was this kept secret all these years? Many times, there are financial concerns that keep the secret.

I need some serious advice here

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No I don't know her family. Only his family. I have no idea whether or not paternity was established, I don't think so but be believed the child was his. They were both young at the time. I think you're misunderstanding my long post, I apologize. Last I knew her aunt and uncle was adopting the child but she had a hard time when it came time and she was going with them. It has nothing to do with anything financial.

I need some serious advice here

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Yes, I did misunderstand the issue. I have re-read the post. Do you have any sense of the wishes of this man? How did he feel about this child? Did he ever try to connect with her all this time? Knowing the wife and his family, do you think this would enhance or negate any feelings they would have about him? Do you sense that his parents would want a connection to this child?

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