Advice needed!! Ruined relationship with clingy behaviour
LUNAR - Oct 2 2016 at 19:44
In my previous post i explained how my relationship was alittle troubled as i have been needy and desperate.. my last thread died off but things have got worse for me
I used the advice from the last thread and things got some what better..
I visited the Gp and am being treated for depression and anxiety.. however this is a recent thing and im still getting used to the side effects of the pills..which are not great!
My relationship with the guy i was seeing has been alittle rocky lately due to my constant clingy behaviour and i continued to probe him for answers for everything and now i fear i have destroyed the whole thing.
last week He said he didn't know what he wanted..which completely freaked me out and set me off with anxiety attacks and me constantly wanting to sort it out. He said he needed time to think.. again this freaked me out and i acted irrationaly and he ended up up blocking me from texting and calling him.
Now i work with him ( failed to mention in my last post) so i see him almost everyday.i confronted him calmly at work when it was private to do so and asked why he kept on blocking me, he said i cant change and it wasnt fair on him me going on an on and untill i could change for the better he didn't want to speak to me... i told him i understood how he felt and explained the personal issues i was having again to him. He said ok lets see.i will always be a friend to you , im not a d*** but thats all im offering at the minute, you need to be better then i may come back. Don't come at me at work, we will sort it out of work and calm down with constantly messaging.
All was ok, but then i have no idea why, i had a complete freak out and couldnt see straight and through panick i started bombarding him with plees to forgive me and take me back, declaring me love etc to which he blocked me again. I was devasted and wondered how the hell can i make it right when he keeps blocking me n i cant talk him??
So whilst at work n had time i spoke to him but got very upset n cried n begged to him. He kept saying no.you wont change and im done.leave me alone. F*** off and that he wants nothing to do with me. He also mentioned that if i carried on coming at him at work,he would say i was harrasing him.. im not like that at all! Im not crazy n certainly not a stalker, i want to sort it.. I just got scared that i was loosing him.
Im so affraid that out of my desperation i have ruined anything salvageable, he has blocked me from calling him and texting him but not on any social media, which i know he still uses and have messaged n asked him to contact me and apologised. Nothing. Yet he hasnt blocked me on there.?
Its doesn't seem to matter how much i say sorry or ask for a chance he just wont listen and says im repeat everything over and over again And that i message to much
I know i have done this, im not handling myself very well at the moment, i feel lost insecure and panicky, more so due to the side effects of the tablets.
Im having counselling also.
Ive acted desperate and foolish.. which he has even said to me.
Not having him around is awful, i miss him and i fear that he wont come back, even as a friend, which we have been for years before all this and i see him everyday as i say, im heartbroken though its my fault. I feel isolated at work as no one as spoken to me. Im unsure if he has said something to them, that could be me overthinking but everyone seems to have avoided me this week.
I want to make it right i really do.. really am devasted and feeling so ashamed and stupid.
I dont know what to do!
I don't really have a lot of time, but I want to respond to this post because I am kind of like the male version of you. I am a guy who can't let go. I miss having a relationship, and kind of long for love since I feel like the majority of the people in the world suck and I am getting too old and outdated for the world today.
One difference is that you actually manage to get relationships, albeit short ones, because you are a female. If you were a dude you would be in my shoes - desperate for love, but unable to really get it because women have unfair standards. It's also difficult to tell how desperate and depressed you would be when you aren't with someone or dealing with the remnants of a relationship.
One big similarity is that we keep falling for people who apparently don't reciprocate the intense amount of love we have for them. We also tend to sabotage relationships with our own insecurities, eager to seek out and snuff problems that may or may not exist yet.
When my ex and I broke up, it was at least in some large part because I had suffocated her, and overwhelmed her with my constant venting and need for reassurance. It became unhealthy, and I probably would have stayed in the relationship despite my own uncertainties that it was what I truly wanted. Since I became single, I've had difficulty being happy alone. There are people who I've though I might want to have relationships with, but these desires are usually one-sided. I become so desperate at times that I pursue women who I feel nothing for, just so I don't feel so alone - fortunately this usually backfires.
I think the key here - and believe me, I've been told this before many times now as well - is trying to work on yourself and learning to be happy alone.
See, the way this guy blocked you and told you to f*** off and all that, that isn't cool. I have no idea what you are like so I have no idea if that was warranted or not. But it makes this guy sound like maybe he was just kind of a jerk. He didn't really have your feelings in mind - just his own. He wanted to distance himself from the whole situation, and that was it. Honestly, he probably isn't worth throwing a fit over. If he comes back and you still like each other, great. It just sounds like you're giving too much of yourself, and getting too worked up over, a guy who could care less.
All you can really do is live, and change up your routine.
Recently, I accepted the fact that this one girl I've had feelings for just doesn't feel anything for me. It sucks, but at the same time it's really her loss if she doesn't want a guy like me who would've been great to her. It will likely be awkward, and maybe I still need to do more to distance myself from her and get over her. In the meantime, all you've got is family and friends, and yourself. But on the bright side, you don't have to bend over backwards for yourself - you can just be you, and explore whatever interests you see fit.
When i look back im aware ive created issue's that are not there. Like if he read a message from me but didn't reply id instantly think i had annoyed him.
If he had left a short answer id freak out thinking he was maybe phasing me out, certain reactions id take the wrong way and think oh god he is going off me..so it got to me constantly asking 'are we ok' ' do you like me' all those reassurance queations untill it got to the point he was getting frustrated with me and told me to stop looking for boxes to fill all the time.
He had told me many times that he loved me and cared etc and i needed to trust that because he wasn't going anywhere and that i have him etc.. all those nice reassuring comments, but for some reason i wasnt accepting them and i needed to hear them everytime we spoke or id freak out.
I haven't acted in away that has caused any concern, ive not be aggressive or angry..nothing like that. Ive litterally begged and looked pathetic and because he wouldn't talk to me id panic more and need to speak to him more.
He has unblocked me since the weekend and he messaged to ask how i was feeling (because of the anti depressants im taking and ive been signed off work) and that he cares for me and my health. It was nice to hear, however in my head im still questioning what he actually wants, im to scared to ask him incase it drives him away again.
I know its still a mess and i dont think there will be a relationship from this again as ive acted stupid, i just hope the anti depressants help with how i react to relationships to prevent me from causing this pain to myself.
I can't really afford to double the sessions.
Ive totally drove him away. Ive tried to talk it through and He doesnt want friendship and doesnt want a relationship. Told me he doesnt want anything and that ive had my chances and cant change and that he hates who i am. He said he has only messaged to see if im alright as he wanted to.Its completely messed with my head and i dont feel strong enough to get over it.
Im utterly heartbroken, and i have to work with him and see him every day. The break up is going to be so hard and im already at a low point trying to get used to the Citalopram
In 24 hours this guy calls you back to see how you're doing, but then says he doesn't want a relationship or even friendship with you.
Ding-ding: He isn't worth it.
First of all you need to stop looking at it like you screwed things up with him. Obviously, he screwed up his chances with you now. He will not get another chance with you, because he is kind of a d*ck. Getting into contact with you to ask how you're doing? Pfft, he knows how you're doing, he's just being a jack***.
What you need to do now is not be so pushy about jumping into another relationship. Realize that it's okay to be single, and that you can fill your life with other things while you wait for a better relationship to come along. You know, there have been some girls over the years who I might've liked to date, but they were always in relationships and never single, so I never really had the opportunity. It's okay for some people to be single - that's how most healthy new relationships eventually begin anyway, is when people are initially single.
Something that I find helps me out a lot is listening to music and expanding my music collection, and going for walks at public parks and things like that. I've been single for pretty much a year now, and if recent situations have taught me anything it's that this trend is likely to continue into 2017. I was in a pretty serious long-term relationship prior, but I think you can get really torn-up over the conclusion of a short-term burn-out relationship as well.
The point is, you need to better yourself, and focus on you and the people close to you in life who will give you the time of day and be there for you. This bag of d***s you dates apparently isn't one of those people, so just forget about him already.