My bf told me his ex is prettier than me
Well, I was having a conversation with my bf and he mentioned his ex, nothing in particular but out of sheer curiosity as I had no idea, I asked him what she looked like and was stunned when he said she was really pretty, much prettier than me. Like I said, I was stunned and quite dumbstruck! Now, I'm not a vain person and looks have never been an issue, I'm average I suppose but have been told I'm pretty a few times.
What really shocked me was that he thought it was ok to say it! Digging a deeper hole when I called him on it he just said "i always tell it like it is"
Hurt and upset doesn't begin to describe how I felt and a while later when I was calmer I told him how much it had hurt. He said he didn't mean to hurt me but thought I was bigger than caring about things like that, I'd never seemed bothered about such trivial stuff.
Anyway, things moved on and I thought I was over it but then someone had seen a a picyure of me online and when she saw us, she commented on how beautiful I'd looked and said to bf, 'didn't she'? And... He hesitated so long before he said yes, that I saw her look at him quizzically like she was wondering what the hell was wrong with him and then all the hurt came flooding back and I really don't know if I can ever get over it. I know it must seem trivial but it really hurt.
Any ideas on how to get over it would be a big help. Thanks.
Is how YOU look the basis of this relationship?
If not, then concentrate on WHY he is with you.
What other qualities does he find in you that makes him be with you and not her?
Sorry, I'm not sure I've been very clear. It's not so much about how I look, it's more that he would actually say what he said that bothered me. It made me think he had no respect for my feelings because, honestly, who says something like that? Like I said, I'm average and it's never been an issue for me but I always thought that if you loved someone (no matter what they look like) you think of that person as the most beautiful person ever. And even if they aren't, do you really go and say your ex is prettier? It's more of a respect thing for me, not the pretty thing, I just don't get it. I would never say something like that to anyone.
Yes, it is trivial when it comes to the serious things like developing a relationship together based on trust and respect, rather than worrying about others looks. Who cares what his ex looked like, you need to understand that he's with you now, and not her. In other words, there's something else that keeps him with you other than your looks.
It all comes down to your standards, going by your second post which has made things clearer, and you need to determine if your BF shares them or he doesn't. It's these qualities that Susiedqq mentioned that you need to look at, regardless if you personally would never say to anyone what your BF said to you.
You're more than correct when you state about loving someone and being sensitive and respectful about it all and it's all good for you to have that principle, but you need to look at your BF and your relationship together. It bothers you that he could say such a thing to you and that's the issue. Ask yourself if he shares your values and then determine if he's right for you.
I completely get where u are coming from darl, and wether people admit it or not that would effect everyone, I still get jealous if my partner looks at a better bodied girl then I and we have 3 kids together haha maybe that's why haha I don't have the same body I used too. It's not a bad thing to have a little jealousy it shows u care about the relationship.
As for what he said well yeah looks are a trivial thing but even the prettiest person would have insecurities it's how we are all wired.
I agree that it shouldn't have been said, but like the others have said he is with u so u must have other qualities that make him love u more.
The way it is, he can't take back what he said, but u can't forget what he said. The only way to get passed it in my eyes is to forgive and move on, ask him to take u on dates etc to show u again that ur his girl,
Or if u might not be able to move passed it then it will eat u up over time and the relationship won't work. So as hard as it is the choice comes back to u and how u want to respond to it.
". . .he said she was really pretty, much prettier than me."
Did he really say all that? or is the last part what you thought? (much prettier than me)