Hey everyone, this is my first post here. I really need someone to talk to, but I cannot talk to anyone.
To get everyone up to speed I was in a relationship with a girl for about 9 months. The day I met her was the day I fell in love with her. Yeah it moved way to quick, but love, sometimes is dangerous. The only thing is there isn't a real reason why I love her. I just do. We never saw eye to eye on a lot of things, but we just loved each other. My mind is confused just saying that, but it's true.
She ended up moving in with me about 6 months into our relationship. I didn't want it to happen, but she was getting kicked out of her place so I was going to help her out. The problem is we were always disagreeing and arguing. I personally blame it on our overuse of marijuana. We HAD to smoke to keep our sanity.
I started to see she was bad for me. She lost her job and I was paying all the bills and was working 2 jobs. She complained that I never got her things and always thought I was cheating on her. I always tried to look past that and every day I just wanted to start fresh she wanted to start an argument. There have been too many long nights between us arguing and yelling. I just wanted us to work so badly so I endured the arguing. Everytime I would try to walk away from the situation she would follow me and keep instigating it.
So fast forward to our last month together she kept thinking I was cheating because I was always working. I really was always working and never tried to contact another female. In fact I deleted every girl out of my life on my contacts and Facebook/social media. I didn't even look at other girls in a sexual way ever. My body and mind and soul only wanted her. Well she keyed my car. So I knew that was the final straw and had to be an adult and tell her to move. I told her I am giving her a 30 day eviction and she needs to leave.
Her being jobless and soon to be homeless knew that this wasn't going to end well. So while I was at work she called the police and told them I was beating her. They came to my job and arrested me on the spot. I spent 2 weeks in jail and I am still dealing with house arrest. I am able to work but that's it my life is ruined at the moment. I lost my apartment and she destroyed my things while I was gone. The moment I got out of jail she was blowing up my phone and social media to get back with me, but under the court I am to have no contact with her so I blocked her number and ignored all her attempts to talk to me.
We have only been broken up for 2 months, but everyday she's on my mind about 60% of my day. It's killing me and I think the house arrest is making the problem worse because I can't go live my life. She is refusing to speak to the police so i am in the midst of waiting the 180 days they have to charge you. I am about 70 days in at the moment.
I recently just found out through a friend who saw her at a bar making out with this guy. Who she was around during the time we were together. She's obviously moved on, and I was moving on until I heard this news. The moment I heard it my heart sank and i have this feeling I've never had before. My mind is spinning over it. I want to cry, but I physically can't over the situation. I love this girl, and I don't even know why. It's really killing me on the inside she's already moved on even though she 'loved me so much and still does'. I can't speak to her and tell her anything, and I won't. I don't need or want to go back to jail. I just want these charges gone. In fact I'm not even charged yet. I'm just sitting, waiting.
I just wanted it to work so bad. Everyday I said to myself, it's a new day, let's put the problems to rest and just enjoy each others presence. She couldn't do that. God my soul hurts right now...
I'm so sorry to hear that things ended so badly. As much as I'm sure you don't want to hear this, six months is around the time that people's true colors come out. When she lost her job was she able to receive unemployment? Was she actively looking for work when you were working two jobs to support the both of you? I'm in a situation with my husband of three and a half years where he had to take a job demotion and a huge paycut. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and he refuses to do anything to bring in extra money. The fact that you were willing to do what you had to do to keep a roof over your heads tells me that you're a very stand up man. A girl who is worthy of you would appreciate you for that, not take advantage of you and manipulate the authorities into arresting you when things didn't go her way. As hard as hearing that she's moved on is, be grateful the nightmare is over. Take time to heal and when the time is right, a girl who is worthy of you will come along.
She really didn't try hard to look for a job. She kept telling me she was too good to work at McDonald's or a gas station like I recommended. I explained to her that these jobs aren't a permanent stay, just something to bring in money while you still look for a better job. She insisted that no money is better than money being made there. Then she discovered web camming and started web camming for money thinking she was the hottest thing ever. That really started to decline our relationship. She still refused to help even though she was making about $100 in a few hours a day on there.
Typing this stuff out really has helped my mindset towards her. What really sucks is the fact that EVERYTHING reminds me of her. All the music I listen to refers me to her. I can't listen to anything without my feelings being hurt towards all this. I'm an emotional wreck about all of this. I know time will heal wounds, but she is really getting to me hard.
I'm having dreams about her that I remember and I NEVER remember my dreams. The other night I had one and we were sitting in her car. I looked at her and asked why did she do this to me? She responded that this was my intervention. That's been looping on my mind ever since. What does it mean? I understand it's my subconscious, but it felt really deep to hear that in my dream.
I am bettering myself, so maybe my dream was explaining to me this is the time to intervene on my own life. Make it the best it's ever been and then go about your life in the way you need to.
To say the least my stress is at an all time high because of this.
I understand completely, especially about the music being really hard. My husband and I just got married in June and a lot of songs we had at our wedding are still on the top 20. So she webcammed with other dudes but accused you of cheating... all I can say is wow! There are so many options for bringing in extra money without being a borderline stripper. Uber has been saving my tail. So sorry to hear that you're going through all this.