My friend and her crack her boyfriend
I need some advice please. I have a good friend that is 44, she met a younger guy online and started talking to him. He lived in another city and moved here to Houston to live with her. He has no job, no car (because he is 'green' even though he drives her car) or anything. He keeps breaking up with her but still sleeps on her couch.
Fast forward 7 months he left her and moved to another town but calls her to go get him and drives him back to Houston. The next morning he steals her rental car (coincidence her real car was just stolen) her laptop and IPad. She gets fired from her job that morning for getting to work late again since she had to take the bus. She finally tells me all this and is heartbroken. She said he was addicted to crack and coke and sold her stuff for drugs. He calls her crying for her to go pick him up from another town and he promises her he had her stuff, which was a lie since the cops found the car trashed.
Of course she takes him back and said he 'changed', even though he has never gotten help for his addiction. He is now an alcoholic, has no job, no car, no money and lives off her! I told her that he was using her and that instead of drugs now he uses alcohol. He is an idiot (he said he invented Facebook and was going to Harvard but they made him mad so he joined the army instead) and a drunken liar and a manipulator and she is too stupid to see. Even her mom thinks she is delusional. She is too stupid to see what everyone sees and thinks her boyfriend is just too smart that is why he doesnât have any friends. He is needy and controlling of her. I have lost all my respect for my friend. It is really hard to maintain this friendship because she knows how I feel but she is still in love with him. He knows now that I donât like him so I have stayed away from her.
I love my friend very much and I have to watch her hit rock bottom again, itâs like watching a train wreck! We have been friends for 10 years and I donât want to lose her but I canât even look her in the eye because I never knew she was this desperate. She is a nice person that has never been in trouble with the law, no substance problem, no kids but very naÃ¯ve and clueless. What should I do? Stay friends from a distance and watch the train wreck or should I end the friendship because I canât watch the train wreck again. Keep in mind everyone sees him the same way I need him. I even did a background check on him and he has been arrested many times.
People tend to have to learn things for themselves. It sounds like your friend needs to discover for herself that she is worth more than this guy. She is probably lonely, feels like she can't find someone better. If you want to help her, find ways to help boost her self-esteem rather than point out how terrible her dating choices are which will only reinforce her belief that she is worthless. Find a support group and go with her. Join a gym with her and work out together. Set her up with someone. Find ways to be supportive of her improving her own life. Unfortunately, she is going to continue to let this guy treat her this way until she believes she has better options.