PeoplesProblems Logo

Friendship jealousy

Default profile image
Emotional advice I didn't really want to share this with anyone that I know but I need to get it off my chest...
I have been feeling depressed and bitter over this matter which I finally decided to seek opinions anonymously. I have a group of friends which are girls that I love with all my heart. They treat me fairly and I had fun being around with them for about a year now. We sometimes had a bit of a feud which is normal and to be expected when you have friends. But recently, I introduced my cousin to them because he would have parties and I wanted to invite them to join me. I guess they gotten really close lately somehow and started to talk. One day, one of my friend said to she likes my cousin more than me out of no where. I ended up being really depressed and angry. I didn't talk to her for about a day which she ended up noticing I was mad about that. She apologies and said she was joking but I didn't really take the apologize because I know she meant it when she said it. Throughout the days, my cousin gotten really close to my group of friends somehow and they would invite him with us all the time which I didn't really want because I just wanted the old group. Plus he goes to a different school. They would invite him to our school dances, places that I made plans with them, and sometimes they hang out without me. I would always be the last person to know about the plans they are making. I felt like this past week, I have been distance. We would always hang out and talk but now, they are distance from me. I know I shouldn't be jealous about this matter but I feel really hurt and bitter. I get depress easily. I don't really want to tell them how I feel in-person because they would be like"he is your cousin, why are you feeling like this". My cousin knows how I felt about this because he talked to me but he still doing it. I also have a feeling that my group of friends knows how I feel about this but they are ignoring it because they are having fun with him. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. Should I let this go on? or should I find a different group to hang out with even though I have been really close to them.

Friendship jealousy

Default profile image
Friendship is a complicated thing - it can be difficult to find, and is found in varying degrees, shapes, colors and sizes. I know that ideally we'd all like to have these people that we connect with on many levels and who mutually love us unconditionally. Something like that isn't usually common, though.

The reality is usually that you won't have this one close-knit group of friends, and usually your friends will be scattered about a bit - in different situations in life, with different values and personalities, with different jobs and lifestyles and living situations, and able to connect with you over a smaller array of interests and things you have in common. If you're lucky you'll eventually have maybe 2 or 3 people in your daily life who you'll have some things in common with, who mesh well with your personality and sense of style/humor, who you'll come to know for many years and be able to call friends for a while.

People who maintain these friendships with large groups of people oftentimes tend to value the group opinion over their own individual thoughts. In the case of women, usually they tend to be gossipy and shallow. The fact that you've sort of fallen out of this group while nobody else has shows that you value deeper friendships a lot more than anyone else in it.

Your cousin not caring that this effects you enough to want to stop hanging out with these girls is kind of crap, yeah. But he shouldn't have to give up his new friends for you. And, being that this is a dude, he probably doesn't want to stop hanging out with a bunch of chicks - he probably likes the attention he is getting from them, I'd assume.

It just occurred to me that you could also be a male. I'm not really sure how much that would change the advice, though I do know it would make the whole situation with your cousin a bit crappier. Women are kind of unfair sometimes, I guess that's all there is to it.

You'll have friends who are there for you and friends who aren't. Friends who have their stuff together and friends who are always a mess. Friends who keep in touch, and friends who fade. Friends who can be open all the time and friends who only shine through every once in a while. I'll say that I really don't have as many female friends as I do male, but there are maybe 4 women who I can count that I may be able to keep in contact with for years to come - who knows?

As your life transitions and moves into new chapters, you'll meet new people, and you'll bring some old friends along for the ride. People will come and go. It's like a rock group (okay, not the Stones) that exists for years and years. You might replace the bass player twice, have a falling-out with the guitarist and get a new one, go through a few session drummers until you find the right fit and even change record companies... But hopefully some sort of core group will remain intact, and from that some great music will continue to be made.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?