He needs space...
I have been with my spouse for 9 years and married for 3 years. He has Bi Polar disorder but has never gotten help. Within the past year, he has had several issues with his family. He found out his father was sleeping with other men and then his parents divorced. He has had a hard time coping with his dad. Also, his dad calls constantly and asks him to do so much for him and he gets really overwhelmed.
I started school late August and we havenât been seeing each other much at all. He works on the weekends and I work during the week. We also have a three year old son. I had noticed he was pulling away some and not eating as much. He had talked some about being so depressed but not knowing why. I tried to help by surprising him with a night out which we had a great time. A few days later he started staying at a friends house. He is no longer taking my calls or his fathers. He says he needs some space because he feels really unstable right now. It has been about three weeks and I have heard very little from him. Unfortunately for the first week, I pestered him with phone calls and text messages because I didnât fully understand what was happening. I still am not sure I do. I felt like we had a great relationship up until a few weeks ago. I know he needs help with his depression though and I donât know if I am much. He asked me to go to marriage counseling and I said yes, but I havenât heard from him much since then. I let him know of a place, but never heard back.
How do I keep calm during this time? I am feeling so much pain and really do not want to be a single mother. I still love him to pieces, but I do feel really distant. Our schedules were so polar opposite. Do I just wait it out and if so how long? I donât want to give him and ultimatum because I feel like that will push him away more. I am clueless and feel lost.
Sounds like all that stress from his father finally came to a tipping point with your husband. Has he had professional help with his condition before? You mentioned something about marriage counseling that's not a bad idea at all. If you haven't already contacted a marriage councilor do it they can at least point you in the right direction. And then take a deep breath and exhale relax......... :-)
No marriage or relationship is ever easy in life. All of them have to be built up and continuously worked up on. These are difficult times and one tends to feel really alone when this all is happening. Its no surprise that your spouse needs space, but your persistence should not stop. He needs caring and support, which you should provide whenever possible. Some times it is very difficult to talk about your inner feelings or to face humiliation about your parents actions. People always tend to judge you by that. Thats why he is acting like this at the moment.
You need to time and again try and establish contact with him. Ask him basic questions, avoid talking about the problem at the moment, untill he is ready to do so. Yes, marriage counselors, professional help is helpful. But your priority is to establish a good communication rapport with him. Dont react to his offensive actions at the moment. He is going through a lot and needs support to handle it. It is also essential that you stay strong in this process. You need to take care of your self and maintain positivity. You have a child to take care of, who needs every ounce of your support too. Take some time out for yourself. Make sure you read some good books, listen to happy music and live life normally. Its just a difficult phase, it will surely passby if you keep strong.
I do hope things work out for the best between the both of you.