A guy and his ex
I was hoping to get some advice.
I'm in my last year of high school, sixth form and I really like this guy. He started at my school last year as he had just moved from Cornwall. Anyway in the beginning of first year we got to be really good friends for the first few weeks and I had developed a huge crush on him as he was just really nice and funny we seemed to bounce off each other's personalities. I was really happy and I thought he was going to ask me out but then he got asked out by another girl who is really popular and at first he said no but then his guy friends peer pressured him telling him he be crazy to say no to her and so he agreed to one date and from then on they started dating.
I was really upset partly with myself because I missed a good opportunity and Partly with him but I didn't say anything to him about because I valued our friendship and to fall out over it wasn't mature. we still had an English class where we sat together And we could still be friends, even though his girlfriend made it really hard for us to be friends and for him to have and friends/ family/hobbies/ his own personal space.
Finally at the beginning of September this year he end the relationship with her because he realised she wasn't that nicer person and she apprently was spoilt , clingy and controlling and very disrespectful towards her parents and other family memebers and by the end of the summer he had, had enough.
Recently after their break up he and I went the cinema, it wasn't really a date we were kind of just touching base, but he told me he was sorry that he wasted a whole year with his ex when really he wanted to ask me out. I understood because back then everything was new for him he has just moved to a new area/ new house/ new school it was a lot of change for him . We kissed at the end of the day and arranged a proper date in a few weekends time.
The problem now is Unbeknown to us one of his exs many friends saw us at the cinema together and she ran back to his ex and told her. She approached me rather aggressively in the locker room, pinned me up against a locker and demanded to know what did I think I was doing with her boyfriend (she's still in denial). I calmly explained to her that we were really good friends before she and tom (her ex/the guy I like) got together. To say that she has taken the break up really is an understatment and I tried to get her to talk to me rationally but she ignored me and old me to stay away from him, she still loves him and is going to get him back and that I'm to keep away from him...or she'll get her friends onto me outside of school, as in beat me up. She is know to be a bully at school but she get her 'friends' to do her dirty work for her so she seems sweet and innocent to the teachers, other students.
Now I really don't know what to do my friends are telling me to tell a teacher and just carry on with tom. I haven't done this yetpartly because i told tom and he's not happy as he says she's trying to control us and he will talk o her, which I think he has done but I dont think it's done any good now I feel like I'm on tender hocks tom and my friend can't be with me all the time. I don't really need this I have family problem at home (my parents split up randomly at the beginning of the year and I feel like they're his ex and her friends are watching me all the time now. But I don't think I can loose him again, help !
So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
you have to pray and trust afterwards, all your problems will be solved
then you should seek the help of your teachers, relatives, friends
never walk alone. make sure you have 3 or more friends with you every time you go out, everywhere.
you are still very young, many more things you should be enjoying while young and not worrying about relationship problems.
you are never alone, seek God and all your troubles will end.
trust me, coz it is written ...
Don't rely on Tom to "save the day" - seriously, talk with teachers or whatever like you've thought about. At the end of the day the whole point of school is to learn and get used to society, so go learn and get to know people, and let your teachers be aware of the issue because part of their job is to make sure you are in a safe learning environment.
I'm glad Tom likes you again or whatever. It's still kind of crappy how he lets his friends dictate his decisions and dated a girl who would threaten people in the locker room. I hope you can trust him, and that he really does care about you and will be good to you. But you need to make sure you put yourself first.
Let me level with you. The thing is, in MOST cases, highschool relationships don't last. You are very early in your life, and all of your peers right now will pretty much go in their own direction after high school. You will stay in touch with some, maybe, but people will change and move and chase after different things in life. You might spend a few good years with Tom, only to have to part ways for him at college. Or maybe you will build your lives around each other. Or just decide, you want to stay friends. Or just stop talking. For all you know, years down the road, you could one day become best friends with his ex. Stranger things have happened.
For now, if you really want to date Tom then go for it. But maybe get to know him better, and build something with him if you want it to last. Just keep in mind, you haven't met a fraction of the boys (let alone men) who you will meet in your lifetime. You could meet someone even better, if things don't work out with Tom. I'm almost 30, and I see pretty women all over the place who I could potentially try to strike up a conversation with. Maybe one of these days I will, and it'll work out. But I realize that I'm more likely to meet a girl who things will work out with if she is into some of the same things as me and wants similar things out of her life. Otherwise, it could just end up being an embarrassing memory that haunts me for the rest of my life. And hopefully I can at least learn something from those.
Thanks for both replies. I completely agree with being courageous and strong and going for it but be safe at the same time. I don't really like my home environment at the moment and school has (weirdly) become my safe place, and I don't want it to become unsafe and end up dreading school, but I do have 3 really close best friends who are acting like my bodyguards at the moment !
After writing on here yesterday, I went to the head of year and told her but her reaction was "really? But (toms ex ) is a nice girl?" She looked very confused and I don't think she really believed me, nor did she fill me with reassurance! Clearly she and a few other teachers need to come and spend some time in the sixth form common room coz toms ex and her friends constantly tease, belittle and insult people all the time. So I told my form tutor too, who took me more seriously and he's was going to investigate cctv cameras with the head of year and come to me if anything was found and if by tomorrow I was still worried we'd go to the headteacher together which I was more happy with.
as I was leaving school to go home yesterday, I had my younger brother 13 yrs and sister 11 yrs with me so I wasn't alone, my form tutor and some other teachers were standing by the school gate as precaution, which I appreciated but as soon as we were out of their sight toms ex and friends had been lurking somewhere they then followed us, calling out a few insults, which I ignored but my little sister felt quite intimidated by them, which they picked up on and started being really nasty towards her, which was probably just to get a reaction from me. They didn't do anything but still if I was on my own who knows! We went to my dads work place as I didn't want them following us all the way home and I told my dad what was going on. He was going to talk to the headteacher today .
As for Tom I have been thinking should we just be friends, but part of me wants more then that, I've already waited long enough and had to sit through a whole yr watching him and his ex be together. my friends think I should just go for it. But the sensible part of me is saying we are both probably going to uni next year, which feels like a long way off but it's not really, so is it a good idea? But then again we could get together and only last a couple of weeks! I won't know unless I give it a go. I've decided to deffinately go on a date with him and just see. As for trusting him, I trust what he says and I think it will grow either as friends or in a relationship. I don't think he'll repeat what he did or let his friends dictate to him again, like I said a year ago everything was new to him. And next time I need to speak up! I think we've both learnt a lesson.
Its good you told a teacher whats going on, a lot of people are too scared when they being bullied incase things get worse whether its at school or work or home. I'm really pleased you went on to tell another after the response you got from your head of year! Some teachers...seriously?! Keeping them and your parents updated is important.
From what you said this girl sounds like a nasty piece of work, just steer clear of her and her friends if you can, try not to be alone if you can help it and keep your friends around you, never stoop down to her level but you seem to not be doing that which is good!
Tom is right she wants to control you both and stop you guys from getting close and potentially dating, thats not right, but he needs to be careful with how he speaks to her because he could make things worse if hes not being reasonable or has a go at her. Maybe he needs to be a little sensitive if he isnt already?... check with him. He maybe ok with breaking up with her but clearly she isnt! Break ups are hard and painful, if she really was in love with him she'll be hurting and potentially lash out not just at him but clearly his next gf. She should not be threatening you though, thats wrong.
Not all relationship last through uni ...but mine did and were now engaged and got house together, but youve got be determind, not be tempted by other guys if you really like Tom, more so if you end up being far away from each other. I really think its down to how your relationship grow with Tom, how close you get now, like you said you dont know if you dont try.