Utterly lost in every way
I can't hold myself together any more. I have a severe problem basing my own happiness and self-worth on the feelings of others. I keep investing too much of myself in someone, then getting my heart broken. Literally the only thing that makes me feel better is finding someone else to fill the void of making me feel loved. I'm not talking about a physical relationship, purely emotional.
If I can't find someone, I completely fall apart. My emotional pain and isolation manifest into chest pain, nausea, and an inability to draw in a full breath. I spend hours at work with tears just silently rolling down my face. My co-workers don't even ask any more, because I can't express to them what is wrong. I feel like there is something critically wrong with me. I'm 32. I've never been married, I can't even keep a steady boyfriend. The longest relationship I have had in 3 years lasted 3 months. I feel totally worthless.
I know it is unhealthy. I just haven't got a clue how to stop feeling like this.
I'm very sorry that you're having some reaccuring challenges with having a sustainable loving relationship. I really love the fact that you are so In tune with yourself and your awareness of the patterns you have been using in this area of your life. Seems to me you have a misalignment of your life Blueprint which happens when your Life Conditions don't match your Blueprint. If you think about another area in your life that you are pleased with or happy about I bet you it matches with your blueprint ( how you believe it should be now). Also there is something called the six human needs based on human needs psychology. If really helps people find confidence and certainty when they have a deeper understanding of their own needs and how to specifically meet those needs in a empowering way. I will love to help you find the love and happiness you are searching for and breakthrough this cycle for good. Reach out to me when you're ready to change.