I understand if you die - current boyfriend
I'll try to make this short because I do not have time to type due to work and college. But I am just a human who has been living with chronic depression and anxiety. But enough about who I am.
I had a nervous breakdown at college in the back of my car (that's the only private area I have when 40 minutes from home) due to stress and a fairly random bout of sadness. I have a very intelligent boyfriend and I believe I am fairly intelligent myself, and sometimes this intelligence is a curse.
When I think about suicide, it is usually because I feel I am trapped and caged. I have learned to reach out for a "key" to let myself out (in other words, I have learned to ask for help when I need it).
But I have to admit, this is the first time someone I care for (even love, at this point) tells me he would understand if I go and kill myself.
I asked him honestly out of confusion and curiosity instead of blind sadness, if he would actually be OK with me dying. He told me yes and that it's my choice.
Now, I don't believe that I understand this because I was always taught that loving someone meant that you want them to live and that you fight for that and even take a bullet for the one you love. I would do that for him, in a heartbeat, and I have told him this. But he still says that it's OK if I kill myself.
Can someone bring some light into this for me? I take some pride in my intelligence but I also know when to admit I have no idea how to comprehend something. I believe he's trying to tell me that he understands my pain, but telling me it's OK to die is a pretty funky way of saying it.
WTAF!!! He's ok with you dying? Surely he should be helping to pick you up, and showing you what you have to live for as well as what you mean to the people in your life.
I have suffered severely with my mental health for years and have had numerous suicidal feelings over the stretch and two attempts. Each time my partner would be mad, but it was because he could see what I couldn't when I was in my black hole. He supported me and told me off when I needed it. He never once told me it would be OK if I died. He told me how it would destroy everyone.
Sorry but your boyfriend sucks. In my honest opinion, when life is full of personal negativity you don't need negative unsupportive people in your life. Do you a huge favour and cut this dead weight of indifference from around your neck. You deserve better.
Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate it greatly. I had a pretty big feeling I would not be the only one who found his response a bit, well, much.
"I asked him if he would actually be OK with me dying. He told me yes and that it's my choice."
Well, he's not a therapist, counselor, doctor, or parent. Plus, I bet he's pretty young and not experienced in answering questions like that.
Do you think if was fair to ask a guy that?
What did you WANT him to say?
And - Do you think a young guy is capable of understanding an issue like suicide?