i think it is not yet the right time to tell him this very big mistake you did. he will be very devastated.
besides, you are not ready yet...
cast your burden to God, He is the only one who will help you.
âThe principles had never changed. Everything you and I need
to know about happiness and success is contained
within the binding of one book â
The Holy Bibleâ âGlenn Bland
So answering your question, you should tell your partner about it when you feel its the right time. He will definitely understand, if you put it in the right perspective. Dont over exaggerate it or make it sound like its a sin, Cause it really isn't that bad. If you bring destruction over your life, you will reap those fruits only. So its better that you take a deep breath and focus on the more important things in life.
Do note that i am not promoting the fact that you should be hiding things from your partner. Being honest is extremely essential in every relationship. But being smart and doing the right thing is also very important. So make the right choices dear.
He 'did' two. So you 'did' two. See it? And never mind his apparent 'new leaf' (which isn't legit unless one can maintain it even under pressure!) because let's not forget the fact that despite having reported-in dutifully every day, HE MESSAGED HER, not the other way around. So why did he feel the need to make it 3-0?...or, should I say, make it *appear* like that's where things were heading? Because you'd demonstrated (via that phone confrontation) you weren't tamed *enough* despite the first two past incidents?
Note the cause and effect: you break up with him (or cause the break-up) and he responds by basically saying 'Think again/take it back or the puppy gets it!'. He may have only put one bullet into that favourite gun of his and merely cocked rather than fired it - hoping you'd 'hear' (yup - inevitable) and try to get him and the relationship back (worked in the past, did it not) - but it was still he who made that first kind of move. ...To which you called his bluff.
And yet (bar giving him a piece of your mind), chase you *didn't*....and look what this time happened: HE did the approaching/chasing. Truth is, he always could and would have, had you not been so quick each and every time to fix his messes yourself.
You're not half as guilty as he is - your infidelity was reactive and 'like for like'. Maybe what's really making you feel so bad is the fact you've gone and lost your prior high ground and hence your leverage for keeping him on the straight and narrow from now on? Whatever... His form of infidelity is actually a tack for emotionally blackmailing and pressuring you, *achieved by* the act of cheating.
Listen, when it's Love, you inspire one another to be better-better-better, not find yourself competing, as well in the downwards direction. But you two had a really rotten foundation, didn't you, thanks to your commitmentphobic toe-dipping (*chickens* with benefits, more like)....which is what got built on....which is why the resultant 'house' atop it started lopsided then completely crumbled. This whole relationship sounds to me like it's always been a warped game of Who's Safest? I'm betting you wouldn't have even moved in with him at that premature point, had it not been the only way to keep him abiding by the rules (- am I right?). In short, *he's* the more insecure one, not you. But you spend long enough with an insecure type and pretty soon they'll start to infect *you* with it!
"it's been 5 months since the breakup"
Interesting semantic. Note the difference: "It's been 4-and-a-half months since we got back together." Care to comment? Maybe it's not guilt or self-shame at all? Maybe what it is, is something you're not ready to face up to?
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?