I'm engaged to the sweetest girl in the world. unfortunately she lives in another country from me. We want to get married but every time we start planning, something(or someone) in her life goes wrong! My immediate family have been massively supportive thankfully, and so has her mother, but i could use some advice on what to do because this always seems to end in tears from one or both parties.
One of the original plans was to have a wedding in the church she's been part of since she was born. but her pastor says that when he sought permission from the bishop he refused. okay, so change of plans. then we find out that in order for me to become a citizen over there i would need to pay a large healthcare fee and prove i have a substantial income... but during this waiting period I would be unable to work in her country.
So then we began thinking of a wedding in my country. she could marry me and return home while i filed the application for her immigration here. this is a heartbreaking situation but it would allow both of us to work & save while we wait. She even had a place she wanted to get married at and i found a local, reasonably priced vendor with great reviews ( we havent confirmed anything yet, remember this). she tried explaining this to her family and they have been giving her grief non-stop (except her mother, her mother is wonderful). according to them its like a slap in the face to her family and friends asking them to travel for a ceremony and its not right for her to get married without any of them present.
We then looked into having a simple blessing ceremony in her country, they could attend that, and once we were in a stable place then I could maybe move to her country, (see above about needing income while not working). She spoke to her father about this and the first words out of his mouth were "well it isn't a proper wedding isn't it?". we both tried to explain our reasoning again, and when he brought up how unfair it was to A. make her family not be able to attend the wedding & B. ask him to pay for a ceremony he couldn't attend, I got upset... I pointed out my family may not be able to come over there easily either for both money & illness reasons and I also pointed out that at no point did we ask him to pay for anything! no plans are in stone and what we did want we were planning to budget ourselves. so she has been told in no uncertain terms I am not welcome in their house (her mother will try to talk to her father in after a few days to calm down) she's in tears every night over all this, and i feel helpless and alone.
I don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart, it hurts to live apart with a massive time difference meaning talking to each other is hit or miss on a regular basis. Can anyone give me some advice? if you were in a similar situation, what did you do?
Then have a party afterwards.
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