So am i just being a git?
So i have been with someone for about ten years. I cant ever say it was great we more cohabbited and got on more as friends than anything else. The last 2-3 years less so we barely talk, she hardly notices i exist doesnt want anything to do with my family and is very good at mind games which i am not really interested in. I have met someone i really really like im not a teenager but it feels as if its love we laugh we have fun i fancy her and i am sure she does me.. id like to point out nothing has happend! the problem i have is my partners son from a previous relashionship is a good bargaining tool and i am pretty weak and she is pretty strong.. i know what i want but am made to feel bad about myself so dont really have the confidence to leave as a lot of work friends are mutual and ill just clam up and she will milk it. What should i do just put up and shut up and consider myself lucky i have someone at all. Or persue what i want?
Is this your son or this woman's son?
You will still be able to have a relationship with this boy, even if the mother is not in the picture.
You seem to feel trapped.
No he is not my son it's her son from a previous marriage. I have been there in his life for ten years though
And I think you have hit the nwil on the head
You need to find true happiness and you won't find it where you are being controlled by a strong willed woman who uses your relationship with her son to manipulate you and bring you down to her level. While you let her mind games dominate you, you need to follow your gut feeling with your newly met friend, because if it's meant to be, she will stand beside you and support you, rather than behind you berating you.
Go after what you need, because what you have is not about happiness, rather it's broken relationship with no communication or respect.
You have said that nothin has happened, but it has. You are having an E.A, which is not physical (yet) but emotional. You are getting your needs
met elsewhere. This is a huge warning sign, and you need to:
a. Leave, be honest with your partner, and let them start a new life that is satisfying for them, or
b. End your E.A now, and you may need to tell your partner, so they can make an informed choice as to what they want to do.
Regardless, your road from here is a long and arduous. It will take a lot of work and counselling to get through your issues, believe me, I know. I have put in that work over two years
Whether your relationship survives will depend on how strongly you are connected. If you are not, then you had better face up to the fact that you will almost likely separate.
A cohabitating long term relationship is not a good thing. How do you find that a good thing, clearly you don't as you have met someone else.
Your ex partners son is not a tool to be bargained with, just face up to what you want, and do it.
Post relationship, you will just have to deal with it, whatever happens. If it is a shitstorm, then that is what it is.
Sorry, hope this helps, don't mean to sound short, it is just close to home for me.
Don't waste your life, or your partners. Find something you can both live with.