My brother is a drug addict
I'm 23 and my brother is 18. A year ago, before I was about to give birth to my first child my husband was laid off. Ever since then, we have been struggling. My parents spent the money to finish their basement for we can live in while we try to sell our house. They put a lot of money into it to make it nice for us.
my brother has been an addict for years now.When I was in the hospital giving birth to my son, my mom was there. But she was dealing with my brothers issues at the time. Due to the umbilical cord being wrapped around my son's neck, a c-section was necessary to save his life. And recovery was hard on me. My husband had to go to work the Monday after we got home so I asked my mom to come stay with me to help me that night and the first day being alone. She was all ready to come. Then she had to cancel due to my brother.
He sleeps constantly and never does anything. Never graduated school and refuses to finish his GED. Doesn't have a job. Me and my brother had it easy growing up. Always had food on the table, for the most part always got what we wanted. We had a good life, so I'm not sure what happened with him. He has been given everything he's ever wanted. But with the drugs, he has sold or traded everything. He literally only has his bed and clothes.
My husband has 2 four wheelers he got right after we first got married. He's always wanted one and was finally in a position to get one. But once we moved in with my parents we had to keep the one four wheeler in my grandparents barn who we live right beside of (we live on a farm ). Just recently we discovered my brother tried to steal my husband's four wheeler. My uncle lives out the road, and he said he seen and talked to my brother at 5am while he was sitting on the 4 wheeler. My brother claimed it was his and his friend was coming to get him. All of the decals on the four wheeler had been ripped off, in attempts to make it unrecognizable. Although the handle bars and pipes underneath is a red color. My grandparents seen him out the road by the 4 wheeler and went to confront him, which he claimed was his. Who ever was supposed to come back and pick up my brother with the four wheeler never came back. My husband has always been nice and helped my brother in anyway he could. So this really had him hurt and mad that he tried to steal from him.
So my dad told him he was no longer welcome in the house until he admits he has a problem and gets help. He's supposed to be going to a drug counselor but now that he's 18 he claims he's an adult and doesn't have to. So ever since that incident with the 4 wheeler he hadn't been home. And we were keeping everything locked and keeping a look out for him. Even though he swears he didn't try to steal it. But now, he has begged and pleaded his way back into the house. My husband is furious and says we need to do something else because he doesn't wanna live with an addict and a theif. I agree with him, but I feel that my parents put so much money and time into helping us I feel bad for just walking away from the nice little apartment they made us downstairs. I'm unsure of what to do. I feel that my brother has manipulated his way back and he will be back to his ways in no time. Two of the many rules for coming back into the house was to admit to stealing the four wheeler and admit he has a problem. He did neither. And he's back.
"Two of the many rules for coming back into the house was to admit to stealing the four wheeler and admit he has a problem. He did neither. And he's back."
Yup - and someone had to give him permission to come back. And those people are as sick as he is, in fact, they are enablers. He will never stop using drugs and using people, including stealing from them, as long as he gets support to be in his sickness.
Find a "nice little apartment" somewhere else. Your marriage and your child are more important than this druggie kid. Get your family in a safe place and away from this environment, which is only going to get worse.
Agree completely with Susiedqq!
The squeaky wheel gets the most oil. And clearly your mum and dad love (or need?) to have something that constantly needs oiling, hence aren't doing what they ought (Tough Love) to stop the wheel from squeaking *long-term/permanently*.
There is no need for guilt for moving out. If your parents really wanted you to stay put, they wouldn't effectively introduce, against all warning not to, a disease-ridden animal...which is what he is whilst constantly desperate - to distraction - about getting his hands on more money for yet another fix (...which is why the theft wasn't anything personal, meaning, your husband shouldn't take it like that, in the process, emotionally harming himself totally unnecessarily) and should just try get his head around the fact that a person in that established state of recurrent desperation *can't afford* to let anything, including respect and loyalty and adhering to his moral compass, prevent him from attaining said fix. Put it this way: your brother probably would have tried to steal the car, or whatever other asset were available, even if your brother were Jesus Christ himself.
So it's perfectly simple: 'Sorry, mum, dad. Utterly lovely as the basement apartment is and your efforts on our behalf were, it's no longer a place that offers adequate sense of security and safety, and *especially* not a good environment for raising our kids, which means, with huge regret, we're going to have to move out again for their sake and just see you from now on during normal visits and get-togethers'. I fail to see how two supposedly grown adults, themselves parents, wouldn't be able to appreciate the sense in that - even if they can't quite bring themselves to practise that sense when it comes down to it. And you'd be doing them a favour, if you think about it? Not least by showing them how parenting *should* be done.
Saying all of that: obviously brother didn't admit and apologise to you and hubby, but, does that mean he didn't do it in front of his parents?