Really rough week, missing my dog
I need advice.I have no idea if I picked the right section for this to go in. Please tell me what you would do in this situation.
The past few days have tipped me over an edge and left me completely floundering.
As for what has happened, my grandmother passed away and Iâve started a new job while trying stay in class fulltime, I also have a long paper due in one of my classes, and I miss my dog, terribly, and she is 300 miles away from me. And I canât pay my rent yet.
Let me back up and show how I got here.
Iâm 25 and realized that Iâve been a receptionist and assistant for the past five years and that wasnât what I wanted to do with my life. After having an explosive complicated argument with my roommate and best friend of 11 years, I had had to move back in with my parents to be able to save up for a place. I was completely unhappy with the way things were going in my life and decided that Iâd like finish up my bachelors and get certified to teach. I knew if I wanted to be able to complete schooling and work fulltime supporting myself, I was going to move out of reach of my mom who is always in need of money and likes to drop in on me to ask for help at inopportune times.
I saved up everything I could and moved myself to Dallas, which is about 300 miles away from where Iâm originally from. I had driven back and forth interviewing for a job I was supposed to start at the first of September but unfortunately it fell through and I immediately started to stress out because my savings couldnât really carry me that far. Iâve been frantically applying for jobs that would meet my absolute minimum requirements to get all my bills paid each month and was finally able to start in a position this week.
When I was driving back and forth from Dallas and Oklahoma, I had had my car checked out and know that it is leaking slowly from somewhere but the mechanic had said at the time that I had a little more time before he thought it would be a pressing issue but that I would want to get it checked out more thoroughly when I could afford to do so. My check engine light has never come on but now that I have to drive to this new job each day which is 30 minutes away from my house, it has worried me.
When I decided to move, I knew I couldnât bring my sweet dog. I was happy to know that my parents welcomed keeping her as long as I needed because they loved her as well. I didnât realize how hard it would be to not have her with me. I got her 6 years ago when I was in an abusive relationship and when he had started beating on her is when I finally called it quits. I love her dearly and I didnât realize this whole time she had been like my security blanket. She loves me completely and will stop whatever she is doing when I walk in a room to sit on my lap. This has been the longest I have ever went without seeing her; 3 months. I think about her every day. Iâm always wondering if she is wondering where I went and why I left and if Iâll be coming back for her and it has me breaking down in tears so often. She was always there for me and I just left her and couldnât even say goodbye so that she would understand. Iâve been trying to think about ways I could have her with me but Iâm afraid to take her away from house with a dog door. She had to have surgery when I had first brought her to my parentsâ house because she had bladder stones and the vet had said it was likely from being left in my room for long periods of time without being able to relieve herself. That had broke my heart and I never want to her to have surgery again because I didnât care for her properly. So I want her to stay with my parents for her health but I miss her so so much.
My grandmother passed away early this week and Iâve been trying to reassure my mother over the phone that things will be ok. She helped raise me while my parents worked so I think it was probably a blow for me too but all I could really think about was how I wished I had my dog to hug. For whatever reason, my younger sister and mom got to talking and she was shocked to learn from my mom that my dad had hit me as a kid. Iâm so frustrated with the whole lot of them right now. Why my mother would choose to bring that up things like that at a time like this is beyond me. I tried not to sound angry with my sister for bringing it up with me over the phone but I donât understand why none of them have the sense to deal with one bad thing at a time. I donât want to talk about past things like that when weâve just berried my grandmother and I am completely alone in a different state.
Two days ago I found a little gecko on the floor of my room and sense that definitely doesnât happen every day I went to the living room to ask the guy I rent a room from if anyone had lizards for pets so I didnât accidently put someoneâs pet outside. I guess this is a completely foreign idea to him and his girlfriend because they looked at me strangely and asked if I had brought it in from outside. I said I had found it in my room and didnât want to throw someoneâs escaped pet outside and they told me they didnât have lizards. As I was going to put it outside I heard his girlfriend tell him that I was weird. I have no idea why that made me so angry. I had just tried to be nice. It was a really pretty orangeish gecko and could have been somebodyâs pet. And I even brought it out in a cup so it wouldnât accidently jump on them. I know she doesnât like me but I have no idea what I did wrong sense she certainly likes the other girl that lives here.
This morning I got a call from a guy with an organization the Salvation Army had told me to contact for possible rental assistance. Iâve never had to ask for this kind of assistance before and Iâve been really embarrassed about it. I havenât told the guy I rent a room from that Iâm going to be late on rent yet because I was hoping to come up with a plan of some sort. The guy was super abrupt and wanted to schedule a time to meet with me at the house to discuss my situation. I explained my work and school schedule, which leaves me with Tuesdays and Sundays off. And I guess that clashed with his schedule because he seemed to get angry and asked if I couldnât free up more time during the week and whether or not I wanted their help. I was left stuttering and we finally scheduled for next Sunday but Iâm really anxious about the meeting. I donât know how to explain to the guy I rent the room from why I need these people to come to the house, and Iâm supposed to tell him if I want to have people over. The guy with the organization told me itâs also not up to him whether or not they help me, itâs up to a council. And if he is the one presenting my case and already doesnât like me, I donât know if having him over will be a good idea because then the guy I live with will expect rent before I have it and might not be able to even get it from these people.
This whole week has just been terrible. Iâve watched parents come in to the car retailer where I work to buy their kids who just got their licenses these 20k plus cars and Iâm struggling to pay my rent while my own parents owe me a couple grand because they are terrible with money and canât seem to even take care of themselves, let alone me. Iâve felt incredibly childish wishing things were different for me. Wishing I had a parent I could at least call on the phone when things were rough and have someone to tell me things would be ok.
Iâm so unhappy and stressed. I just want to curl up and sleep for a bit or read but I have a long paper due tomorrow in a class so I absolutely have to get it done today. But it is soo incredibly difficult to care about things that Benjamin Franklin did way back when, when I have so much to think about right now.
I feel like maybe I messed up moving here. I havenât made any friends and Iâm incredibly lonely without my dog. I just want to be able to have her with me.
I know if I can just make it through this next month, things will be better. Right now I canât see my way around how unhappy I am though. And how scared I am that I canât pay my bills yet.
Sorry for your loss.
1. "Why my mother would choose to bring that up things like that at a time like this is beyond me."
Because you're your *mum's* security blanket at the mo., that's why. And because, missing her own mum it'll have hit her, finally, that she didn't make the most of you (either). Guilty conscience. Plus, one's mum dying can bring a whole load of buried stuff to the surface and the grief give it a fresh sense of urgency. A subtle effort to get you to feel you have to come back home, basically. Because there's something to be dealt with now, added to your own sense of pull (dog) so, hopefully the two together ought to tip the scales where one alone wasn't enough. See it, now?
2. "As I was going to put it outside I heard his girlfriend tell him that I was weird."
Well, of course it makes you angry. Being guilty of something is one 'usual perp' but being so wildly misunderstood is the other. Disregard it, it's probably just her feeling threatened by you anyway, together with the added fact of you having demonstrated what a huge heart you've got (men like that, even more than a pretty face and *certainly* the two together). Anyway, if *that's* the only thing she could find to criticise you (put him off) over then that's perversely highly flattering if you think about it?
3. "Iâve never had to ask for this kind of assistance before and Iâve been really embarrassed about it."
What's embarrassing about having the nouse to use whatever resources your environment lays on for you in your bid to survive and/or prosper? That, actually, is a sign of intelligence *and* a refusal to be beaten by any challenges life throws at you. So that's a plus point and a reason for huge pride!
Listen, I'm excessively impressed with your hard-work ethic and ability to tackle whatever's thrown onto your plate, like getting that job in record time and with so much piled up against you. And it takes A LOT to impress me! You're being *far* too hard on yourself.
4. The guy might have just been having a bad morning. Try not to take it personally. If, on the other hand, he is rude or prickly again - threaten to report him unless he starts treating you with a bit of respect and understanding, like his job highly likely demands.
Tell your housemate (if you really feel you must) he's a friend of a friend, wanting to talk about his just-ex, hence 'do not disturb, please'. However, it's none of their business who he is specifically or why he's visiting.
In the meantime, though: Why does the meeting place have to be where you live? Shouldn't you be visiting him on his official ground? Whatever, just you make sure someone else is home, okay?
5. Baby Steps. Cease looking up at the entire hill or you *will* feel defeated. It's just one step or half-step at a time...and then the next....
How's the essay coming along at this point? If not very well then I'd have thought a heart-to-heart with your tutor were in order.
6. If you work for a car dealership, surely your boss could (and would welcome the opportunity - being someone's hero and all that) come to your aid somehow, if you explained the situation? Leaking what, anyway?
7. If your parents owe you money then this is the time for asking for it or at least a decent chunk of it back, surely? If that's not do-able (from their end, I mean) then the thing to do with creditors is  prioritise them, and then  contact each to explain and ask to pay in smaller instalments full-stop or for whatever period they'll agree. They'd rather get even just 5% of something rather than 100% of nothing.
Has that helped a bit?
PS: What did you do with the ghekko in the end?