Trusting your partner
on Nov 1 2005 at 20:53
My boyfriend and I were together for one year but we split up as we were arguing lots. His ex kept on ringing him and he met up with her but lied to me about it. He said he felt bad about leaving her as her dad died of cancer when they split up and she didn't have anybody to talk to about it. To end the relationship he cheated on her and then told her he had done it so that they would split up. I confronted him about it and asked him why he couldn't explain to her it was over. He knew that I had a problem with people who lie as my ex had always done it to me. Yet he still lied about meeting up with her and wouldn't discuss it with me. He said it was an invasion of his privacy and that it was nothing to do with me. I thought it was as she was in our relationship. After about a year he received a text message from a girl asking if he wanted to sleep with her. It was from an unknown number so he denied knowing her. Then he went away on with work for a week and was uncontactable. Like all boyz he had forgotten his charger and didn't want to run down the battery on his phone so it was swtiched off. The I found a text message on his phone from a girl he worked with. He said she was a fat married woman who he was not interested in. Then we went on holiday together and he split up with me. We got back together after 2 weeks but his behaviour was different. He hid his phone from me, switched it off, made plans without me, created arguments. We split up again. Then after a couple of months I read his hotmail and found an email from the woman at work who had emailed him. His behaviour makes me do silly things like go through his mobile phone and his personal belongings. I find it impossible to trust him. She was inviting him out. I sent him nasty text messages and then we spoke and he said he had made a mistake and wanted to get back together again. I asked him what happened with the woman from work and he admitted that she was not a fat married woman and was a student. That he was flattered that she paid him attention when weren't getting on. Nothing happened between them and he wasn't in contact with her. Since we have been back together she has text and emailed her. Why can't he, out of respect for me and if he wants this relationship to work, cut contact with her or be honest with me about what happened. I feel like I'm paranoid and that something happened between them to make him want to split up with me. Every time we try and talk about it, he turns it around on me again saying I am invading his privacy and that nothing happened between them. I don't know if I want to be with somebody who brings up all my insecurities and who cannot be honest with me. He says he is not always honest because of the way I react, but I would be more forgiving / understanding if he could just tell me the truth.
on Nov 28 2005 at 17:28
I am going through the same thing I feel the same as you and don't know what to do, I can't stop myself searching his things, I don't know what to say to you as I don't know what to do my self, but I hope it works out for you. good luck.
on Jan 4 2006 at 21:29
I think if there is no trust in a relationship, the relationship can't last. You should be able to trust him, but if his behavouir and history seems to be showing that he can't be trusted then I seriously think that you should consider where this is going? Are you going to be happy when he's out and you don't know who he's with or where he is going? If he says he likes the attention, that's human - but for this to be flaunted in front of you is a lack of respect for you.
I think you should definatley look to if you are going to be happy in the long term and make a decision now.
on Jan 27 2006 at 16:12
It sound like what you calling "boyfreind"is a complete player. You know what he cheated on his past relationship and he difenetly cheated on you, and you just dont know it coz your so attached to him... Im having problem being paraniod myself but all you gotta to do ladies is not let your self think about it.DUMP HIM IT ENT WORTH IT
on Jul 24 2006 at 21:45
I am just the same. My problem is my boyfriend of 4 years, had a girlfreind b4 me, who he really loved who was 20 years younger at least than him, like me. Until 3 days ago, i had never seen her picture, and didnt want to. But I knew he had one somewhere which I wasnt happy about I must say. Last friday he went out leaving me behind in his house, so I went snooping. I found a box of photos, and in it was her photo. Well 4 photos of her. And to my dismay, the girl is absolutely stunningly beautiful with a really skinny figure, 6 ft something, no wonder he loved her. It made me feel like shit. I feel so fat, old and ugly, and Im only 30. Im pretty, but no way as pretty and slim as her, she also has long dark hair down to her arse. I feel like with me he was looking for a replica of her, emma. And he almost got it. It really pissed me off,as hes 50, and looks like one of the chuckle brothers. But he teaches salsa, so that attracts women. He reckons he is faithful to me, and loves me, but i think he still loves her and always has done, but she is married now, and lives somewhere else. I just cant trust him though. I feel like he doesnt love me, and is just settling for second best. As for you and your problem. You have good reason to be suspicious and give him a piece of your mind. If Iwas so convinced my man had cheated, I would kick him to the kerb. I just want my fella to throw away this picture of this married woman