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Devastated

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Relationship advice Been married for a year , it's had its ups and downs . I'm naturally a little insecure and jealous . Wife has several male friends and I do ask a lot of questions , she says it because I don't trust her . I told her it's because I don't trust them . Anyways fast forward to a couple of weeks ago . I was in our laptop deleting a bunch of junk when I came across some very disturbing emails of hers . There was a string of conversation with a married man that she had previously worked with . It started off very innocent but escalated over a couple of months . One morning he said he wanted her so bad right now , in another he wrote he was sorry about grabbing her ass when he hugged her ( apparently he saw her somewhere in public). To which she responded "it's ok , I liked it !". She also sent a received a picture from him and he asked for one back , she sent him a picture of herself in a bra ( face not in picture ). In another he wrote wtf , she thought it was his wife and freaked out . There was never any concrete evidence or talk of actual sex . This email string was before we met however .

The most disturbing thing was discovering about a year later she joined a sex site , her profile pictures were VERY graphic , above waist and below . She said she was looking for anything , listed herself as bisexual , and loved to please . This brought me to my knees . This was also well before we met . I'm really second guessing my decision to marry her , I love her with all my heart , but I am devastated and afraid . I haven't asked her about any of it , I don't know what to do ..... Any advice would be greatly appreciated .


Devastated

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Hmmmmm.....there was a previous thread about a woman having trust issues with her husbands past that was a different situation though.

Been married for a year,it's had its ups and downs

Is it because of these trust issues with your wife? I can see how you feel about this,I'd probably feel the same way myself.

You could approach her in a very sweet and gentle way about this wild past of hers.

Devastated

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Hi, I really feel for you, I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Trust is a two way street in a relationship, and clearly, there are some major issues you have identified for yourself. You have no choice but to speak to her about these, as they will continue to be on your mind until you resolve it.

You could do it in front of a relationship counsellor, or just the two of you if you are comfortable. I am not sure there could possibly an explanation she could offer for this, apart from it being before you met. However, clearly the content disturbs you, and now being aware of it, it needs to be dealt with.

The trouble with this situation is that she is clearly interested in being with others, and has not filled you in on her past, which you clearly did not know about until now. Honesty and trust are basics for a relationship, and I am not saying I am perfect, far from it. I do know, from my own counselling sessions, what is important though.

Graphic pictures on a sex site, are not good, and I have no idea how you would deal with that. Anyone that is registering on there, is clearly looking for something, and this is no basis for a secure relationship.

So, arrange a time when you are comfortable, and talk to her about it. You will never resolve this to your satisfaction without doing so. If you are still unhappy after talking, you may need to seriously consider what this relationship means to you, and whether you can continue knowing what you know. You know what they say about leopards and spots, if not look it up. Also, where there is smoke, there is fire. You clearly do not know your wife in the fullest sense, and she has a tendency obviously for secretive behaviour, which will never end well.

I hope this helps, regardless, make your own choice, and be happy with it.


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