How little romance is too little?
First of all sorry for any spelling mistakes, as English is not my first language.
As a bit of a background here: I'm a 24/f and been dating this guy for almost 8 years now. I'm currently finishing my studies and he's been unemployed since a few years and living with his parents. I can "almost" say I live in their house with him and his parents, as I spend most of my time there, sleep included. His parents almost see me as a daughter and we get along very well. Also, I'm an extremely shy person and somehow he is the only person with whom I can manage to talk about everything!
As opposed to many relationships, we didn't start off as the most romantic beings in the world. In fact, since the start there has been absolutely no romance from his part whatsoever. As an example, there has never been any kind of gifts/surprises/special efforts whatsoever on what I consider special events such as birthdays, christmas, etc from his part. I might be more resentful than I should because every year I put up the effort to make him the perfect gifts and do random nice things on random days just to see him happy. I never expected exactly the same in return but I expect at least SOMETHING (dinner, random nice text in the middle of the day, just something!). My only clue that he has any interest in me at all is that he is always asking me to "come over". Problem is, most of the time when I do go to him I feel like an object just garnishing his room while he goes on doing his things like I'm not even there (I wouldn't complain if there were at least some minutes of quality time in the middle).
This has been like this since always and I get a bit sad over it, but it's not worth a breakup in my opinion. However, these last couple of years I've been feeling more and more resentful and I don't know how to deal with this. Sex is now about once a month (when lucky) and because I take the initiative. When on act I know he enjoys it, he always tells me he loves me so much, that I'm the best and all that sweettalk. But if that's so, why doesn't he ever make an attempt to have sex? I recently bought some toys to "spice" things up and yes, he does love them all. But after a few times I start thinking... what about me? Why don't you ever do this to me? Why must I always be the one to go get the toys and "make" YOU have sex with ME?
I know it's not from a lack of libido because he "plays" by himself almost everyday watching porn when I'm not around (I don't resent it at all as I also watch it regularly and we even talk about it a lot - it's not on unhealthy amounts). I know he's not cheating and he never will (trust him 100%, plus we're always together). And it's also not from lack of communication because I expressed these feelings to him several times but he always tells me that he's just "not in the mood today". When I tell him some things that I would like him to try out on me he always tells me he will do them next time (which, of course, never comes).
I've always been quite happy with my body, but I'm now starting to feel very insecure because of this whole situation. Am I that weird? Ugly? Unattractive? Is he interested in me at all? Was he ever? Or am I being paranoid and some people simply are like this?
I still like him a lot, we have a lot in common, he endures a lot of things that I do and say that other people simply find silly and he is the only person with whom I can talk freely! I keep thinking if I were to break up with him I would have no one to talk with, I would be alone, even worse than I am now.
Bottom line: Am I doing a big mistake by staying with him? What should I do?
I am not an expert but can only speak from experience. I stayed with someone I knew I did not love the right way because of the same reason many years ago (I did not want to be alone). I regret that decision now. It is the best feeling in the world when you treat someone you love like they are special and they do the same for you.
It is never simple but it is easier to meet people today than it has been in the past. You should find someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated.