Need advice (relationship problems)
Hello I am freshly married and I'm having a ongoing problem. My husband has a issue with my sexual past. To give more information me and him have talked prior to us getting married, I never hid who I slept with I stayed truthful from start and so has he about his sexual past. I thought maybe we got past all of it till a couple days ago. He started to detach and we started what has now been a 4day argument. He says as a wife I have nothing to offer because I gave it away in past relationships. Now I'm not proud of my past at all I regret a lot of my relationships and I have done a lot to try and move past it all. But now as his wife I feel horrible all over again. But I don't know how to fix it. I love this man and he has opened my eyes to a proper way of life things I wasn't taught, I don't wanna loose him but I'm not sure what I should do.
Something chahim. A buddy in his ear, something he read, or something you said or did. People should be able to live as they please. But he could develop some big insecurities easily if you have a lot in your past. You need to assure him that you want to make sure he knows how important he is and what a great lover he is. Don't close any doors to him that were open to others. Try to practically worship his body. Let him know you want to please him and for goodness sake let him know he pleases you. If you EVER suggest anthing, make sure he knows it is not something a prior lover did. And learn about compersion.
Delayed reaction on his part and no matter how wild of a sexual past you had he knew about it before you even married. Somehow he needs to get past this and live in the present. We all like to suggest counciling but maybe he could talk to someone that could tell him that this is something he needs to get over like a brother or sister maybe a close friend
Don't beat yourself up about anything, we all have a past and don't allow him to make you feel bad, anything you didn't didn't do were before his time so it's irrelevant to your relationship now. We all have a past and he is as aware of yours before he married you so for him to suddenly have an issue with it is wrong.
Try and explain this to him and try and tell him how this is making you feel.
Sometimes, the past can haunt us till the end. But, there are ways to cope. He may be speaking out of his temperament.
I had the similar problem when my wife told me that most of the things she said prior to marriage were lies. I couldn't digest that I was detached from her even though I loved her inside.
Luckily we had the support of our friends for holding the marriage together, and they took us for some couples therapy( http://www.drmtherapy.com/couples-therapy/
) for solving the differences. At first, I thought, how can a therapy help. But, it looks like the science has developed enough to treat our hurt mind as well. That would be my suggestion.
Try and persuade him, through his friends to see a therapist for a relationship therapy. If you have left your past ways, then, you don't have to suffer for this.
Wish you good luck.
Don't believe for a second that your past and his have nothing to do with now. Your past brought you to where you are. Your past made you what you are. You are trying to make a life long relationship (I assume) with another person. You have chosen each other for the journey of your lives. You had better understand each other. You had better feel important to each other. In fact, there should be no more important person in the world, past or present, and you had better make sure that you each know that. There should be no secrets and you should both try your best to prevent the other from having to live with issues caused by someone in the past. An forget about what you think a wife should be. Be what he thinks a wife should be.