I'm in love with someone I can't have
LUVD_UP_LOSER - Nov 5 2016 at 20:36
So I recently split from my wife of 10 years. As far as I was concerned I was never going to have a serious relationship again. If the last decade was 'love' then you can keep it. Turns out I was completely wrong and was never in love at all. In fact I have never loved anyone in my entire life (except family members but not in the same way of course). I recently started working in factory to save up some cash to get back to my house in Spain. I only needed to be there 2 weeks but the second I walked in I saw a girl. To me she was everything I have ever imagined my perfect woman to be, quite short, beautiful, smiling and always happy. To everyone else she seems, well, like everyone else. She was wearing the same uniform with hivis vest and baseball cap and doing her job just like the rest of the team. There were other girls there that some vulgar men would describe as being 'hotter' but I saw something else. When she smiled I got goosebumps, when she talked I just felt happy. I should probably point out that I can't stand mushy, emotional crap so experiencing these feelings leaves me really confused and questioning my own views on love. I found out her name and began chatting to her group and made a few really good friends. The biggest hurdle I faced was the fact that she is Polish and doesn't speak much English. To solve this I started learning Polish and after 4 weeks I could hold a conversation. Now that can't be normal can it? Learning a whole new difficult language, studying night and day, just because you like someone?? Anyway, there was this guy bowling it around the factory like a grotty chav (British term for a dickhead) who I took an instant dislike to. He would sometimes talk to her so I figured he was just a creepy sleaze but it turns out he is her boyfriend. Surprise surprise, woman picks complete arsehole to be her boyfriend... anyway, by now people have clocked on to the fact I like this girl and seem to be rooting for me as they also don't approve of her boyfriend either. And that brings me up to where I am now... when I go to sleep at night I'm thinking about whisking her away to Spain and making her happy or imagining some cheesy scene from a film where I tell her I love her but she doesn't know what to think then comes running to me just before I leave England again. When I wake up I can't get to work quick enough as I just want to see her. I think about her day and night. I've not added her on Facebook or anything as don't want to come across as a stalker and I'm not obsessed, I just think I may be properly in love. I'm 34, anything but soppy and have never, ever had any of these cringeworthy feelings before so it scares me. I wish I'd never met her if I'm honest. The hardest thing is I know she likes me too as she seems angry at me. Her friend told me it's because she knows I like her and should have kept it to myself as she's now confused. Arrgghh!! It's so frustrating. I'm going to have to go home to Spain soon but if there's even the slightest chance I could get everything I could ever wish for do I tell her how I feel or just disappear? I don't want to be the reason an otherwise stable couple split up but at the same time surely I should let her know she has a choice? Maybe I'm being a bit sure of myself, should could laugh in my face and tell me to f**k off for all I know. I don't think I could handle rejection from her very well. Love sucks!!!
Firstly I agree, love hurts.
Reading your description of this girl really made me smile. Man, you've got it bad.
I think you will be utterly tormented if you don't tell her how you feel. But I also don't think you are "in love", it sounds to me like a combination between infatuation and lust. Which can lead to love, not denying that. And not undermining your feelings - these are burning and passionate desire not to be under estimated. Love is something extra, those feelings PLUS shared experience, affection and fondness developed by time spent. Developing a genuine wish for only good things to happen to your love object in a selfless and unconditional way.
However, she is not currently "available". Think carefully about how you will feel depending on how she dealt with thay situation. I think that sometimes the way a relationship begins can be a prophecy.
If she were to drop this guy like a hot brick as soon as you told her how you felt, what would that say about her? Her morals, ways of dealing with things and how seriously she takes relationships.
Best case scenario would be that you tell her how you feel, she has time to figure stuff out with her boyfriend. E.g. Break up in a decent and reasonable way. Then allowing some time to elapse for her to get her head straight, before you start getting to know each other better.
That probably sounds interminable to you given how much you fancy her, but jumping straight between relationships is not a good move. And you need to get to know her more as a person too, before rushing into anything based on the fact that you are infatuated with one small part of her personality (that which you see at work).
P..s. It won't have escaped her that you're nuts about her and LEARNING polish, i mean hello. If she feels the same way, she will naturally be distancing herself from her current rshp so that she is available.