Love and friendship
Crap, I think I may be in love, I dont want to be, because I know she doesnt feel the same and the more invested I get, the more it will hurt but I cant stop and it brings a great deal of happiness as well. So few things make me happy but just being with her, seeing her smile brings so much joy. I just need to get myself to a place where I can accept that she wont love me because in less than a year we're going to be going separate ways and as I am now that will crush me. I need to be strong, I cant be dependant on her for my happiness, I need to be responsible for my own happiness. Its hard to convince myself that I could ever have the same connection with anyone else but I dont want to ruin our beautiful friendship by making an issue of my feelings cause she was quite clear at the start that she needs me to just be a friend and we are great friends and I need that as well. So in the next year, I need to change because I cant deal with that level of emotional pain as I am now.
We both trust each other completly and know that we can talk about anything with each other. We each have our own issues and she's been mistreated by guys in the past. I've never been in a relationship before, i only recently recovered from an illness which had completly stunted my social life. I care about her so much and am not really sure what to do.