My marriage is in trouble...
Well right now I am currently 10 weeks pregnant and my marriage is falling apart. A couple months ago my son and I moved across the world to be with my husband and not long after I found out I was pregnant. One day I was checking our bank statement and I found out that in less than 3 months he spent almost $2,000 on video games. We got into an argument and I told him he could sleep on the couch that night but instead he never came home. He apparently slept in the car all night and the next morning when he came home he locked himself in the bathroom and shaved off all of his hair. I don't have any idea as to why he did that though. We just didn't talk for a few days and then he started to hide his tablet from me... he took it every where with him (even to the bathroom). So now I just have a hard time trusting him. I did end up getting a hold of it a week later and found a bunch of porn on it and a few searches for "can my marriage survive without intimacy"... he acts like we never had sex.. it was literally like 2 weeks without... How can I learn to trust my husband again and make this work?? Or am I just crazy and my hormones are getting the best of me right now??
I have a troubled marriage, as well, though not to your extent. How difficult. Although our hormones are out of whack in early pregnancy and definitely add intensity to feelings, I would be concerned about his behavior no matter what. Is he able to afford that much on video games? That's a huge amount and really disturbing.
Will he go to counseling with you? I would set up an appointment ASAP.
A website that really helped me as long as I practiced the techniques is compassionpower.com . It's free. I have trouble sticking to it, though, and still have difficulties that I'm working on, now with an actual therapist.
What are your boundaries when it comes to porn and video games and such? What kind of example to you want your son to have? Personally, I would draw the line at all that at this point in my life, but everyone has different limits.
He is obviously going through some emotional stuff right now. I think he may be scared about the baby? Does he have other children? It's a major change, and if he's not normally like this, it may be a temporary thing? Again, counseling and that website's info would help you both, I think.
How long were you not with your husband?
It sounds like he's a little boy who got caught doing a lot of things after mama came home.
There are a lot of adjustments going on here. Counseling would help. Go, even if he will not.
CatLady: No he really can't afford to spend that much money on video games... We weren't even trying for this pregnancy yet because we don't have the money (and now I know why). And that honestly hurt me a lot too because we wanted to become pregnant but couldn't because we just couldn't afford to and then I find out he is just blowing our money like its nothing. I told him we go talk to someone or my son and I are leaving. He just called me a little while ago and told me he made an appointment for 0730 tomorrow morning. I have more of a problem with the video games than I do with the porn actually... And i know that might sound ridiculous to some people but before I finally took and hid the Xbox he was spending more time playing it than he was spending with us as a family. No this will be his first biological child, but he was really excited about it and its all we talked about for months.
Susiedqq: We weren't together for over a year... I know he is still acting like a bachelor instead of a husband/father I just figured that it would have changed after we moved here and we found out we were expecting.
Don't miss that counseling session. Go by yourself if he drops out.
Good luck. Hope you can all get thru this. Children suffer in an unhappy marriage.