Does my husband not like me anymore?
I'm 26 and he's 37, we dated one year and quickly got married after that. He rushed me into marriage and having kids with him even though I wanted to wait. He was head over heels for me, we would have sex daily before the kids. He even used to give me oral... after I had kids with him our sex life went completely down hill. And I'm not one of those wives who's let themselves go. I go to the gym and look great! He's the one who's gotten quite old looking and fat... but anyway I just don't get it, he watches porn and doesn't want to touch me anymore. When we do have sex he lasts only 2 minutes and doesn't even try to turn me on anymore. What's going on????? He isn't cheating because he's home 24/7. But I think he may be addicted to porn
Physical intimacy is directly related to your emotional connect. Men watch porn as a quick fix to satisfy themselves. It is like a eating popcorn and watching a movie, kind of relaxation. The reason that he is being distant has something to do with lack of emotional connect. So please dont worry about your looks. Am glad to hear that you are making every effort to look the best. Parenting is a difficult phase, for both the parents. A good way is to sit and talk it out with him. Try and engage him with activities that involve the both of you. It just needs a small spark to ignite the passion again.
You also have to understand that he is of a much more mature age than you. This means that he is more chilled and relaxed in nature. It bothers him less if he hasn't had much of sex, cause he has been there and done that. I would strongly advice you not to focus on the porn bit of it. If you do emphasize that to him, it might just push him farther away. Though he might be watching porn regularly, it has less of meaning in his life. Focus on building back the emotional connect and all will be well. You shouldn't stop on spicing up things between the two of you either, that is how marriages sustain too.
I hope all works out well between the both of you.
HARRY888 has good advice.
I would add the possibility that he has some hangup about sex with the mother of his children. He may see you in a new role that is not sexy. He may expect you to be non-sexual. Change that, even if it takes therapy. Then you can move on.
It is good that you take care of yourself. Use that. Do you ever dress like you did when dating? Maybe you should. Do you flirt with him, maybe leave sexy notes where only he will find them? Tease him and make him think about sex with you and make him think about making it so much fun neither of you wants it to end.
I would add that, if carefully done without judgement, you might be able to use the porn to help build that emotional intimacy. Ask him to let you join him. You might learn what turns him on and be able to use that. If you start viewing porn together for a few times, ask him to always include you. Later, make sure you start tapering off on the porn, maybe including only sound some times. Continue sex just as often but taper the porn until you are having sex without porn most of the time and he is not watching alone (at least not often).
Talk, talk, talk every step of the way.
Does sound like, doesn't it.
1. At what precise point in time did he basically switch allegiance from the real deal with you to watching porn, and what are the ages of your kids? After all, you didn't have them simultaneously, did you (or DID you - are they twins)? So - after which kid had come along did this happen or begin to happen? Or, if you only really noticed it after your second, think back anew and tell me if maybe you *did* notice him cooling off after the first?
2. How often does he watch it and what times of day/night? And what type is it?
3. What have you said about it to him and what's his response been like? Try to give actual dialogue examples if you can.
4. What are you like or what do you tend to say after this 'wham, bam, thank-you ma'am' called, your sex life? Again, how does he respond to your immediate signals of being dissatisfied and unhappy?
5. What's he like towards and around you *outside* of the bedroom? Have you noticed any changes there, too?
6. What's your own opinion over porn?
(That'll do for now. RSvP.)