Where am I heading towards?
I am right now on verge of a break up, we had been together for more than 2 years. This is an long distance relationship, She is 42 yrs and has 2 kids who I regard as my own. She has been doing sexual role-plays, flirting with others online. I told her that is hurting be that she is doing all this. She tells me that they are just for fun and that she only wants me in real life. There has been time when she has shared her picture and videos that she took before she me with others. We had a huge argument over this, there is a guy who is been telling her that she doesn't need a marriage at this age and that she should just have sex with others. This led her to breaking up with me and over to another state. She had sex with others during this period and she felt miserable about missing me and told me that she made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. I accepted her and since I loved her so much, she promised me that she will not be flirting or doing sexual role-plays. Now that guy who was using her returned and is trying to get her to flirt. She is just playing along with him and flirting a bit. He is still advising against being in a relationship with me. I am hurt by this and told her that her flirting and talking to him has pushed me to the point, that I told her we are done. I am confused at the moment am I over reacting ? am I expecting too much from this relationship or is it ok that I end this relationship. Every time she flirting breaks my heart, even though she tells me its just fun and that I am who she wants, her talking sexually to others makes me feel not that special. To me these are special things that can be shared with only one person at a time. Am I wrong in thinking this way ? This has made me dysfunctional to the point where I don't relish what I eat, lose focus on work etc. . It would be great if you can help me in this regard .
Time to find another girlfriend this is obviously stressful for you. Cut all ties with her and withdraw. No matter how many times she'll plead with you she'll go back to doing the same thing you deserve better.
You need a partner who remains faithful to you (particularly with an LDR) and keeps your heart safe rather than someone who drags you down into confusion and misery. You need a stable and predictable relationship with a partner who actually respects you and themselves. If your current GF can't or won't live up to what you expect and deserve in a relationship, then you need to do yourself a favor and move on from her.
Sure, there's couples out there who think that online sexual role play is all OK, but it's a shared interest. In your case, because it offends you, it hurts you, AND she is cheating on you. Yes, you are expecting too much from your relationship simply because your GF doesn't share your values and you guys aren't on the same page. Move on and find someone who shares everything with you and someone who will support and respect you.
Agree x 2 completely. And in future, think this: "So she loves me/So I love her. But *what* loves me/*what* do I love??".
It's got to be, Right Person, Right Place, Right Time. She's not yet qualified to commit. You are. You're not on the same page, to quote Manalone.
That's the danger of LDRs. *Some* people choose one because it (the distance as prevents transparency and automatic disclosure) affords them freedoms or suits of armour (impediments to "eek!, dangerous" bonding) that shouldn't feature in a steady relationship. Others...the relationship chooses *them* and they're then faced with doing whatever it takes to overcome or remove those tough-luck hurdles from the bonding path (a bonder in itself) so that they can be together both bodily, emotionally and spiritually.
It'll hurt for a while, but take comfort in the fact it's excellent gymwork for your mind and heart, as will finally shunt you to betterment and greater savvy-ness, ready for when "She" walks in. That's how it works. This gal was but a primer. To get you fitter for the real deal.
Heal and then just watch your space...