He said its over
We had an argument about facebooking.He thought i use internet a lot and his sis alsp said this.He used to cut my call after speaking for 1-2 mins which hurt my ego.I said on text "go die i want to live in peace i am fed up of ur mood swings, u are making me crazy like your self"( becoz he was ignoring me from 3 days-though i dint mean it)
He replied ok live in peace and dont contact me again.Tell your mom to find a guy I for you because it's over.
I got angry and then said bad words abt his sis because i think she was trying to create misunderstandings between us.He said she is not wrong which made me more offensive.He then said fuck off mind ur language,condemned me to hell etc.
I asked are you sure i should tell mom its over.Its not a joke.Are you in ur senses?She wont accept u again after this.
He replied "yeah 100% sure"
I said ok bye.
We are together in relation for 2.5 year ,we both lov each other a lot.He did extra ordinary things for me.But first time he said its over .Do u think its really over when a guy says like this? I rread somewhere about no contact rule and i am beginning to do that to get him back .He has his birthday in 2 weekz.Should i wish or send present or not?
Well, that escalated fast ! Men say the unthinkable things when you fire them up, especially when you speak bad about their loved ones. They will not tolerate this kind of nonsense. So firstly, you need to be apologetic of what you said. Irrespective of the issue, you need to know how to balance your self out. It is irrelevant of what he did and what you did. Even if you wanted to break things up with him, you shouldn't have crossed your lines. Men are extremely sensitive and protective of their loved ones.
Anyways, its upto you if you really want to work things out with him. If you do feel that you to want to mend things and sort it out, wait for a while to cool it off. Give your self some time to think about what you've done right and wrong. Use this time to assess how much this relationship means to you. You should remember that good communication is an vital factor in an relationship. If you are in doubt, you should be able to put it correctly in front of him rather than ruining the whole relationship.
Best way is to message him two weeks later. Tell him your side of the story. Explain your self clearly and the misunderstanding that took place. Tell him that you want another chance and that you are sorry about what happened between the two of you. Men are gullible when it comes to someone you love immensely. But only if you really mean it.
If you are just feeling the vacuum of his absence, then dont bother about contacting him. You will end up making a fool of yourself.
The point is : what i said was said in anger and he knows me but i am really fed up of his mood swings.how can he have an option of break up at this stage of our relationship? I think he is trying to manipulate me to ask of pleade him becoz he is too much into the relationship even more than me.
Moreover i asked about birthday question as well.
Yes, you should send him cake & flowers. Nothing elaborate but something meaningful.
Coming to the point of your frustration. This is very normal in any relationship. But the point is that you "both" will have to make mends to work things out. From what i understand, there was a argument about you using excessive facebook, right ? Well, there will be a million other arguments that you will have with your partner in the future. The best way is trust each other. The best way is to really understand each others breaking points.
You are extremely upset at the moment, and its understandable. But give it some time. Give it another chance. It would be foolish if you end a relationship over such a small argument. You can't forget the good times that you'll have spent with each other.
So, again, yes, go ahead and send him a small token of love for his birthday. He is definitely going to be expecting it from you. And try working things out with him. Talking can make a lot of difference.
Harry, its difficult to send bouquet bcoz that will be dangerous for him? Becoz his family doesnt know about us .May be a precious gift with cake would work?
Yes about facebook but there were 2things that really hurt me .Whenever he gets offended And talking about communication, we have communication gap between us and he is never willing to sort this out.Even if he does,it takes a lot of times e.g. after a deep sulking period of many weeks or months.He ignores my calls and that offends me.What should i do in thay situatn?
He is bipolar and when i tell him he gets offended.He doesnt try to improve.
His sister seems very sweet with me but i doubt she is a jealous typ of person becoz recently he joined instagram for me and after two days she said this that amms uses internet a lot. I am really hating her now.Why does she interfere in our lives so much.He is the only bro who is so much attached to his sis other brothers are not attached so much to their only sis.
Yes, a precious love filled gift and a cake should do the job.
The one thing about relationships is that they continuously keep evolving. As a person you keep learning things and accordingly adjust to each other. I totally understand that it is frustrating when someone is being hard on you. When someone doesn't value all the good that you are doing for them. When all you get back in return is sadness. That is where you need to asses all the good things of your relationship. Why are you both in a relationship in the first place ? Is it because you want to fill the want of being in love ? Or is it that you really cherish each others company ?
Before you asses all of those things, you should also give some thought about how you handle relationships, overall. How often do you wake up and say all the good things about your self ? How often do you wake up and feel blessed to have him in your life ? There are a lot of things that always have to be learned and changed. But take simple and small steps in life.
He maybe a good person by heart. You both may have loved each other at one point of time. You both have given it a fair chance and a fair amount of justice to it too. But that doesn't really mean that it has to be eternal. It doesn't mean that you have to and have to love each other forever. Life does evolve. You are young and you still have time to make those choices. So use that.
I don't think its fair for you to judge his sister so badly. She has a right to her own opinion. And he has the right to be more attached to her sister. You should avoid to get into confrontation about those things. Unless her sister has met you and known you, her opinion about you is irrelevant. And about her influencing your boyfriend, well thats where your true bond will speak for itself. "There are things in life that you can't control, you should embrace that fact"
In conclusion, sit and re-asses where and how strong your relationship with him is. How prepared are you to really enjoy his company. How much do you love his company and how realistic is it for you to go an extra mile for him. This birthday is a good opportunity for you to make mends for the good. As i said earlier, we all say things that we don't mean when we are angry. But we should also learn how to make mends for it. If at some point you feel that you are unsure about where you should go, still try and talk to him. Explain him what you are really feeling. Tell him that you possibly do want things to work out but you just need some more time to think about it. You should be in this relationship for the right reasons. For the reasons that is going to get you both happiness and lot of love.
Harry one poster on a website has recomended me that dont think about giving him anything becoz he said fuck off and condemned u to hell , how can u think of giving him a present...
Yes i want to and are willing to work things out, he is a loving person but i dont know why his mood swings are really the main issue,how to realise him that?
I am never going to pleade him for patch up even if i do wish becoz i know his nature, he is the kind of person who detaches himself more if u stick arond.
Ok i ll try to have less talks about his sis in future wid him but i have added her in restricted list now becoz i really dint like that she sent me frd request myself and then is commenting my posting in front of her.
There are things that you should be able to ignore for the bigger good. The reason you are giving him a gift and a cake is so that you can make truce with each other and make things work.
You talk about making him change his nature ? Well firstly he is bi-polar, secondly changing a person's nature takes years. And you really aren't here to get a change in him. I would surely not tell you to plead his forgiveness. But my only suggestion was for you to be able to talk things out and clear a misunderstanding.
Only you can be the best judge of how well you gel with each other. If you feel that this all is too much of a stress, then you should happily let it go. There are plenty of good people out there. There are plenty of good people who will respect you for who you are. So as i said earlier, you need to first re-asses if you want to really continue this relationship. You are currently anxious of what you should do about his birthday. Give it less importance and focus on what you really should.
You deserve the best in life. Now its upto you if you are really being with the right people in your life. If you feel that you both are just good as friends, then maybe just do that. You don't necessarily have to keep the badge of a relationship with each other. Of all the conversations that i have had with you, there is very little that says that you currently love him. Think about it. There is no need for you to rush into things. Even if the birthday passes by, its completely fine.
About the abuses, well we all says things that we don't mean when we are angry. And in this case, it was an reaction to an action. So don't give it too much of importance.
I love him a lot but i think he loves me more. But i am completely loyal to him and i wish he hadnt said thats its over.How can we even think about that. But yes i really want this relationship , even when i ll send birthday present i wish he realises his mistake of rushing too fast and calls me,if he wished to discuss matters i ll discuss him and be open.
Well, in all fairness you did ask him "to go and die" ! So not that you were very sweet about it either. I don't think that gives you the right to crib about the things he said.
You need to learn to forgive and move on in life. There will be a million things that you have said to him that have hurt him too. So lets not make this into a dog fight.
Are you wanting this relationship to work ? Yes ? So then work towards making mends. You need to firstly have realistic expectations from him. He is not going to be running in to your arms just because u sent him a gift. You will need to talk to him and explain each other of the reality of this situation.
He is very angry at you and will continue to ignore your calls. Maybe try texting him, once u have made up ur mind of what u wish to tell him. U should also learn one thing, in love there are no egos. No one becomes smaller if they say sorry first. U don't have to go and prove the outside world of anything.
Most importantly, learn to focus on the important things. If u too act stubborn, then there is no way out at all. Ur conversation with him is about talking things out. It isn't about saying sorry. Apologies are at a later stage.
I am getting your point .But you know what ,everybody knows his partner deeply.I have spent a lot of time wid him.So i told u before he is not that kinda person who ll come on discussion table if i pleaded to talk infact he is the kind who returns wen left alone.
I am sure he ll call me and i hv still no idea what to talk about.May be he asks me what was it i ll say nothing a birthday present. May be he also says to me in lighter tone why have u sent me when u know we are no more. I am basically waiting to hear from his side out.
He was my bestie in university he knows me very well he knows we say such things to each other in friendship even used to play and fight as well .We spent two excellent years.i ll wish him at 12 o clock that hbd,may u live long life and stay blessed .if he tried to ask me about my behavior i ll respond that if we are not so frankafter. being best friends and u havent understood me till now that in whcih tone i said that then its ur own fault.You know i never meant it and can never wish any bad for u .
Glad to hear that
I hope things work out for the best
Right now i am missing him but cant do anything
We got along well after i sent me a birthday text. He called me late night and said loving things that he couldnt live without me he is crazy for me etc ... he loved my cake nd flowers and for a week we went well ....
But then ,again
When he came to meet me from other town he came and tried to take me to out of city without my consent he didn't listen to me at all , i got angry and didnt talk to him for a while i said that my parents will not allow me , he said if u r so much worried about ur parents dignity then u shouldn't have come! I got so hurt and i asked for an apology he instead didnt give apology but became rude i abused him he abused me back then he forcibly try to kiss me i slapped him he hit me back i got so hurt that how can he hurt , later he called me characterless again and again to hurt me, my heart filled with sadness that my all loyality towards him is wasted, actually once many months ago he read my one text to a psychologist in which i was saying that i was feeling attracted towards my bfs best friend i m so confused whT should i do? Afterwards i apologized fo him many times that there is nothing like that it was just a crush but he has deeply hurt me again and again over this and now he said me characterless ... my heart broke , cant he forget my one mistake , nobody ever touched me except him .. but is hurting me again and again... i texted him later on that i was crying and if he is his dads son then he is not going to come in my life again u hurt me a lot how can u do this etc... i dint say my heart that dont contact but just becoz i was hurt....
Do u think he ll contact me again? Will he ever improve himself? Is he good for me? We both love each other a lot but after this i am in shock
Forcing yourself on someone is totally unacceptable. Before we get on to the topic of what happened between the both of you, i would like to tell you one thing. Life is not only about relationships. Life exists beyond that too. I understand that you love him and want things to work out between the two of you. But you need to understand that things have reached to point where it is beyond repair.
As i had earlier mentioned to you, you need to continuously evaluate where your relationship stands. You can "NEVER" ever trust someone's intentions so blindly. You need to know that you should control your emotional outburst.Because people tend to take undue advantage of that.
What he did was totally unacceptable. If he truly loved you for the right reasons, he would have made a point to spend more time with you. Get your relationship back to a point where you both again fell in love with each other. Yes, men do have a higher urge of mating than a women, but that doesn't mean that it justifies his acts. I also understand your dilemma when he asked you to go for a drive in the outskirts of the city. You didn't want him to get upset so maybe just grumbled and went along with it. But sometimes you need to be stern and get creative with the situation. You should take severe precautions when something like this happens.
About your dilemma of whether he will call you again ? Come back in your life again ? Well i am in shock that you still have hopes of being with him. You need to understand that he no longer wants to be with you for true love. All he wanted was to probably have sex with you. You are a grown up women. You should learn to say a NO when you don't like something. You can't be so blind to every mistake that he makes.
There is life beyond all of this my dear. Firstly get yourself together and understand what really has happened. You need to understand that he has ill intentions towards you now. And you are not looking for that. There are plenty and plenty of good people out there who will love you for who you are. Who will give you utter amount of respect too. You should not allow these emotions to make you so weak.
You should tell yourself to be away from him. His acts have ruined the whole relationship and the trust that you both had. It is not your fault in anyway. So stop blaming yourself.
Harry he didnt want sex he even went with me out of city and he didnt touch after i stopped him,in these 2.5 years we never had sex because in our culture sex is not allowed before marriage , i knew he is not enforcing sex on me buy actually i dint want to go out of town becoz my mother doesnt allow me to go with him out of town moreover i have my family pressures as well..its not abt sex its about the way he treated me and he is treating me for a long time , like he doesnt respect me enough? Do u think he can slap a woman back if she slaps him? He thinks a man can do that if the woman does but i told him that u can never hit a woman no matter wht, am i wrong?
My heart cries and he dint reply to any of my text... even my tears text... life is so bad on me
I texted him yestrrday that i wish u get all this pain too, you never made me happy u are not my ideal not my hero... u couldnt conquer my heart you are a failure
those last texts were very childish and ery ofdensive u shpuld polgize and let him be... ifbhe loves you u two will patch things up.
After these texts i texted him and told him that i am so much insecure and worried about my future, i am afraid of institution of marriage now. U have hurt me with ur ill behaviour, do u even respect me? I told him that i am crying for hours after he hurt me so much with his words and that i dont know how will i go to my job after he hurted me physically and emotionally and made me sick. He dint reply.
When we were off to home i tried to calm him down but he said "you are really this( whatever he said or called names during argument ) if you still are ok after all what i said." I got so hurt and said that if its not ur mistake you have psychological issues.
I texted him that u shud have been my protector but u became enemy.... you broke the dreams of a girl who dreams about a superhero and a prince.You are not that prince charming
BIG MISTAKE !
You made a big blunder in messaging him. If you really wanted him to learn a lesson, you should have made him wait and not said a word. The silence would have killed him. I don't think you are listening to all that i am saying. You need to understand that ur relationship with him has evolved over the period of time. I am completely aware of the culture that you are referring to. Sex before marriage is forbidden, is a thing that i am familiar with. Secondly, the fact that he had the nerve to take u out of town and kiss you was to check if u were willing to eventually sleep with him. He NO longer wants to marry you or care for u. His opinion for u has changed.
So first sit down and have a glass of water. It is very easy to get angry at someone. But in return u are hurting ur self more. He clearly knows what he has done wrong. It doesn't make a difference to him when u send such silly messages to him. The fact that u both got to a point where u had to physically slap each other, is a shame on both of u.
You too have made mistakes and continue to do so. You are not ready for a relationship at this point of time. You need to take some time off and focus on more important things in life. You will one day realize that u have wasted ur tears for this man. And u need to start believing in others advice when u cant think straight.
I totally understand how heart broken you are. But get a grip of ur self. Talk to a friend if u feel the need so. But stop making bigger mistakes that u can not mend. U need to learn how to handle situations more maturely.
I wish i were in the position to sit and verbally explain you out all of these things. But u need to first block him out of your life. You need to delete his number and get rid of all the things that he has given you. You are in dire pain right now. And you are in no position to handle all of this.
Nobody knows the situation more than the person himself.May be i am not able to explain u each move but the thing is that he was not doing it for sex. Even if u dont believe me , just suppose that it was not for sex.What are ur views about whole scenario then? I mean his treating me this way even if he is sincere to me is fair?
Have i done too much with the msg? It wont affect his lil brain? Or it will negatively affect? Should i be quiet now?
I am already doing teaching and my work is badly affected because i am so ill
I also said to him that this is ur familyeffect in u that u r abusing a woman, he said u r trying to say that my father has abused my mom ? I said yes in a way.he said i never talked abt what ur mom does or anybody else , you always talk about my family... i said ya u only worry about your stupid family and for that u can even criticise my character.
Harry if he tried to contact me or came in my life again and called me characterless again i will reply with "Your sis is characterless" only then he ll stop.Am i right or wrong on this, becoz this is too hurting
I don't get it. You want to fight with him or you want to peace out things ? You seem to messaging him stupid stuff. Really silly things. You will only get silly responses back. Right from the start where you told him to go and die, you talked bad about his family etc etc. Don't expect to get respect if you can't give respect to someone.
You have lost control over yourself. At every point you are making sure you beat him bellow the belt. At every point you make a drama of every situation. If you can't control yourself, it is not his fault. What he did when took you out of town and tried kissing you, was definitely his mistake. But you on the other hand are doing nothing to handle things properly. Its best you block each others numbers and don't speak further. You don't deserve to be in a relationship at this point of time.
Also to mention, you are 24 years old. You have all your life ahead of you. Once you get your self together and are able to handle relationship, you will automatically find someone of your liking. So for now, focus on building up your education and career. Maybe take some meditation classes too. You need to learn to handle a situation. You can not just make loose statements about someone and especially not their family. This was totally uncalled for.
I do sympathize about you not getting along with your bf. But this does not mean you go berserk and speak nonsense. So, get hold of your self. Delete and block his number from you mobile phone and get along with life.
Ya u r right i said wrong about his family but i still believe he cant raise his hand on a woman.Afterall women are not to be hit and even in todays world there are men who believe in respecting their women more than anything,even if their heroine slaps them they do not respond (like love stories/movies/novels etc) i am a very idealist person and i have told him this that i am not going to compromise on my ideals.rest is on him he prove to be that or lose me.
And the arguments started when he sd that if u care about ur parents dignity then u shudnt have come this hurted me so badly,later when asked an apology he didnt give and from there argument started,however he did say that you are my dignity not your parents.so dont bother my words but he was reluctant on apologizing. Big time ego urghh
Firstly, this is the generation of equality, not gender bias laws. Yes it is important for a man to respect a women and her dignity. But that does not give a license to misuse too. If you swear at him, hit him, he is going to respond back. Not that he is going to bow down on his knees and ask you for forgiveness and expect you to beat him up more. So grow up and have realistic expectations.
You are still mixing up too many issues here. Instead of improving yourself, you are sitting there defending your silly actions. You need to understand one thing, he is out of your life. He no longer is going to believe in you. And you need to let him go. You need to stop messaging him and ruining both your lives. Life is much bigger than this silly fights.
As i said before, make peace with yourself. It is clear that both of you are at fault, on different occasions. Improve on your faults and let him live his life peaceful, and you live yours peacefully too.
All the disrespecting parents dialogues were done during arguments not during text msgs ,hope u r not confusing two diferent things , i have not been too rude on text except for telling him that how i felt ,which i did two days back and no reply
In text i only said where i have mentioned the word "Text".
All others are our that day fight dialogues.
I know that. Thats why i said that "You Both" have been at fault here. You also have to understand that you get over emotional the moment he is around you or he texts you, which is not a good thing. The moment you get over emotional you can't handle any amount of sadness. You start talking extremes. This is what you need to stop doing.
Playing the blame game is not going to help you here. You are only going to be at a loss. Most of these things that you have mentioned have been an reaction to an previous action. You've said things to him, and he has responded back. The last time when you'll patched up, he got emotionally charged up and really wanted to just move ahead with this thing. He really couldn't control it anymore and hence he tried to kiss you. Make note, am not trying to justify his actions, but i am just explaining the reason why he did it. And i do agree with you that this was a wrong move on his behalf.
I would love to know what is it that you want to do further with him now ? Do you want to send him more awful texts ? Do you want tell him how bad his family is ? OR Do you want to be at peace by stop talking to him ?
You both have tried being together. You both have had some good times previously. But things change, people change too. You are only 24. You have a long way to ahead in life before you should be thinking about settling down with someone. Even if tries to patch up with you, do you think that anything will really change ? Do you think that at this point you both will be able to marry each other ?
I do want to tell you that i totally agree to the fact that he shouldn't have forced himself on to you. And i truly condemn such acts. The only reason that i have been telling you to learn from your mistakes is because in future you should never ever let a situation or a fight lead to such a extent. I understand that this has been a traumatic experience for you. And your hope for love is totally crushed. But don't be saddened by this. There are plenty of good people out there who will love you for who you are.
ya true !
Harry we both are oversensitive plus impulsive plus overly attached.
Our emotional natures are which always come in between our love.Though i dont plan to text him any more but as i told u before he ll come around becoz he has invested too much of himself in me in these two years.He has been exclusively with me in these 2.5 years and has proposed to my fmly for marriage . As i told u the last time he came back strongly ,which is not the issue but his inability to handle situations at worse really worries me.I expect him to be more mature and when there is my mistaks i openly accept it.But he hardly accepts because of his ego.See this time i also asked him to just apologize but i said in this way "you have to apologizs and say that u r crazy thats why u said so".He said i ll never! From where i got angry as well . So may be my other statmnt for apology was wrong but he could hav given a plain apology atleast.Moreover just to give u a lil background he was my best frd at university and has been paying me and my siblings fees but right now i am doing my own job becoz i dont want to be totally dependent on him. But all his these good things just vanish when i am angry.I belivee that relationships require 100 percnt if someday i m giving 5 percent he has to give 95 percent. And vice versa.But he hardly does that.Howevee i do agree that i shudnt involve his parents in that.But actually i dint try to humiliate about them i just said that ur family is male dominated and that is affecting u,i think he is being over defensive and that is his trait.Otherwise i have good terms with them and believe me i love them a lot.
Also to tell u he is very romantic guy while i am under too much cultural and religious embargo which stops me from doing anything and especially his pent up frustration for no sex in our culture is what driving him crazy too.I dont know his feelings at the momenf/today. But he has been too much convincing me for marriage recently .Also his parenta also want him to marry in family/cousin thats why he is too upset as well and he said to them i wont ever marry that cousin.
Is he your first relationship?
What ties you to this man?
He is clearly abusing you - emotionally and physically. Yet all you do is express concern form HIM and his mental health.
His family sounds dysfunctional, too.
What about YOUR mental health?
Seek counseling to find out why you accept this unacceptable behavior.
Are you sure that you are ready for marriage ?
I dont know.My emotional intelligence is nill and i have a fear of responsibility.
@sussieq: no its my second relation.but its the most intense one and we are quite serious with each other.Yeah i blv this is is emotional abuse thats why i am upset as well.My mental health is totally not ok because i get too attached to people and his behavior affects me positively or negatively.What binds me to him is our love and sincerity to each other.He was the closest one to my ideal but still not enough.
Live life freely. You are too young to take these responsibilities. Am 30, single, looking for a bride for my self and I know that there is no correct formula for relationships to work. So stop taking all of these emotions so seriously. Your mental health is perfectly fine and there is no need for u to feel bad that this hasn't worked out in your favor. It is more of a learning lesson for you. You will understand all of this once you get there.
For now, live life freely. Live it happily. There is no need to get down to beating up people or giving "galis" to them. You have the option of forgetting these things and moving on. Choose that. Everything will happen at its right time. You just need to have patience for it.
It means "Bad words" OR Swearing
So u understand hindi/urdu? :o
Hindi - Yes
Ok so u r indian?