I think my online boyfriend is cheating on me
We are in our 20s, met on an online forum and have been together for eight months. We live on the opposite sides of the world.
We were using a texting app that displays the last time you were seen using the app. If it was less than 15 minutes ago, the last seen was "just now". Despite repeatedly telling me that I was the only one he was talking to on there, his "last seen" was often different to the time on our last message, even if the latest message I sent him had not been read.
The app also gave you the ability to make phone calls (a feature we never used due), and when that was in use, an icon would be shown. I would sometimes see this icon on and off for hours at a time, over a period of a few days, which worried me. When I asked about it, he told me he was not on the phone to anyone and that it was a glitch with the app.
Around three months ago, I noticed that he no longer seemed interested in the very personal (nude) photos I was sending to him (ones that he used to ask for up to twice a day and was now going a week without asking for) and that he was much less interested in things related to *that*. At about this time, his "last seen" was rarely the same as our last message. Still, he blamed it on the app for glitching. He then told me that he had a few friends he talked to on there. When I asked why he didn't tell me, he said that he wasn't talking to her anymore and that I was "the only one", that they were "just friends".
Worried that if he met another woman he was interested in, he might not tell me, I asked him if there was anyone else. He said yes, but he only met her the day before and didn't like her "that much", and that they were "just friends". I asked if she was who he had been talking to, and he told me "definitely not" and that he didn't like her as a girlfriend.
He kept telling me that there was a problem with our app and that we needed to get a different one, so we did. I asked if he had anyone he was talking to, and he told me he had a close online friend, but they were "just friends" and not "really in love".
Our new texting app shows the last active time as "just now" unless it has been more than one minute. It is very rare for me to go on there and see it as anything other than "just now", even when I have only just woken up. This means he is on there almost constantly. I woke up one morning and he was on there "just now", and told me he had been touching himself (something he no longer seems to do to the photos I send him or the things I say to him). This made me wonder if it was to someone else. The same thing happened today. A few days ago, I received a message, "thank you for asking" from him, when I had not asked anything at all. It had two heart emojis. It made me think it was meant for someone else and accidentally sent to me.
He also ignored a message I sent him today, which had still not been read 20 minutes after I sent it despite me noticing him go online multiple times, including 19 minutes after my message was sent. I saw him go online for five minutes after this, in which he read another one of my messages, but didn't reply to it.
Whenever I question anything, he quickly changes the subject.
I love him very much and can't bear the thought of him cheating on me, leaving me or me leaving him, and I also hate that I have these doubts. Does it look like I should trust what he says or am I correct in having doubts like I do?
There's really no way for an outsider to know for sure, but it does sound likely that he is "seeing" someone else from what you state here. If I were involved in this way, I would suspect the same.
Have you ever met or did you have plans to meet? 8 months is a long time and long distance relationships are very hard even when seeing each other from time to time. Did you ever talk on the phone or skype or something like that or was it just texting?
My sister has dated online quite extensively and often ends up in texting only type relationships that tend to fizzle out with no real reason why. It seems to start with a delayed response or not replying to her texts. Unfortunately, I think it's kind of common.
Maybe you could try talking to him about it over Skype or something where you can read his body language. Texting only can lead to misunderstandings.
try to meet personally enjoy
GDP, when you post a message, try to finish whatever it is you
"Despite repeatedly telling me that I was the only one he was talking to on there, his "last seen" was often different to the time on our last message, even if the latest message I sent him had not been read."
Then he obviously *was* talking to someone else, but not someone he could be honest about.
"When I asked about it, he told me he was not on the phone to anyone and that it was a glitch with the app."
How convenient. (Bit like 'I didn't get your text/email'...and yet isn't it funny how that sort of 'routine thing' never happens when the person you text/email is, say, your mum. Funny, that.)
"Around three months ago, I noticed that he no longer seemed interested in the very personal (nude) photos I was sending to him (ones that he used to ask for up to twice a day and was now going a week without asking for) and that he was much less interested in things related to *that*"
"At about this time, his "last seen" was rarely the same as our last message. Still, he blamed it on the app for glitching."
My, you'd think he'd long have wanted to FIX this what-must-be-highly-bothersome glitch, wouldn't you. WITHOUT waiting 'til felt forced to. Again, funny, that.
That ol' chestnut.
Come on, ST12th... 'Doubts'? Only doubts? If he's not cheating I'll eat my hat! Regardless, though, what *is* an established fact is that WHILST behaving in ways that closely mirror a lilypad-leaper he's providing you with zero reassurance, aside from actions that might justify or cover his increasing disinterest.
I would dump, since he warrants and deserves it regardless (and trying to fix things by talking has got you nowhere, worse than nowhere). If you're wrong, he won't let you keep that new status quo for very long (albeit, that would open up new questions, like, then why has he for so long been behaving like a cheater). Because nobody likes being hung for a crime they haven't committed, nor lies back and takes losing their best thing since sliced bread, and won't stand for it. If he does stand for it - there's your answer.