Am I right to be hesitant?
KATE14 - Nov 13 2016 at 06:17
I have been asked out with view to a relationship with someone who has parkinsons disease.
We are both in our 50s and already know each other slightly. My concern is if i fall head over heels with this person, im scared that
1....i will lose them to the disease
2.... i will end up a carer
3.... this person wont be in a position to care for each other in our advancing years.
This person already has motor problems and has to keep moving every few minutes before the seize up.
I like this person but im scared.
Do i get involved or not?
Let's imagine, for a second, that YOU are the person who has Parkinson's Disease. You can't take care of yourself, you have nobody to help take care of you - you are utterly embarrassed about your situation and things that are no longer within your control. And you're single.
Does this make you view things differently?
I'm not really trying to get at anything in particular, I just think it is a good exercise to view the situation from this other person's perspective, to see if it impacts your decision.
The thing is, any of us could get sick or injured, become paralyzed, or contract a deadly flesh-eating virus. You could. And then neither one of you could take care of each other, making the situation much worse. And in that same token, martians could invade and enslave the Earth tomorrow, or the universe could implode. And in that case, neither one of you will have lived to see his disease take a major toll - but you both maybe will have gotten to love again.
That's the thing about worrying too much about any one outcome. There are several potential outcomes - some more probable than others, but then again sometimes the outcome is pretty reasonable. Maybe you take a chance on this guy, and things go real well. Maybe you'll find that he does an okay job of taking care of himself for the most part - it's just those moments now and then where he could really use someone who loves him to help him out. Maybe you'll find that you're a natural at nurturing, and that you are much happier dealing with the potential heartbreak just because the relationship is that worth it.
That's what relationships are, come to think of it. Dealing with the possibility that one day things could end, and you could be deeply hurt inside by it - because you want to live and love, and want that emotional connection with someone special.
I am not saying you are wrong to decide that the potential for devastation is too much for you, and walk away. Only you know if that's the case. Perhaps that is just something you don't need or want in your life right now. Perhaps you feel better off alone and without the added concern right now, or maybe your feelings aren't ready for you to love someone at this point in time. Maybe there will be others for this guy, if not you.
At the same time, just as there are infinite possibilities? There are only so many instances and chances in your life where you end up together with this person, and if you don't take that chance you may regret it - and that might be something you can never get back.
If things are going too fast... You can always ask him to take it slower! Maybe it would be overwhelming to jump into a new romance, but it could be more reassuring to ease yourself into this potential new life with someone else.
Good luck Kate!