Husband threatening divorce
COPPERCINNABELLE - Nov 15 2016 at 03:26
I have been married just over 2 years and have known my husband for 9 years (known him since I was 19 and he was 28, most of that time as friends). He is from another country on the other side of the world, but has been in the US for almost 20 years. I am almost 9 years younger then him.
I moved across the country from where I'm from (and where we met) almost 5 years ago to be near him (after he over around to different parts of the country and finally stopped here), because he said if I didn't he would break up with me. Then we got engaged because he said he was getting old and if we didn't he would break up with me and find someone from his country to marry immediately.
The marriage has actually been pretty ok, considering. He has adapted somewhat to doing the things I like on weekends, etc. He still needs things just as he likes or will throw a fit. An actual screaming fit like a kid. So he has control of what we watch on TV, the house is kept very tidy, and I rarely do things in the evening after he gets home, etc.
Several times he has thrown screaming fits about wanting kids. To me this seams totally backwards. He tries to push me into having kids with him when I don't think he's ready yet by screaming about it. He did that again tonight. Three times furing this argument I decided to be the bigger person, settle down, and come talk to him quietly and rub his legs while talking in an understanding way. Each time he blew up again when I tried to talk with him. He was screaming that if I'm not pregnant by May he's divorcing me. Then he started that he'll divorce me now undead of waiting. He always says these things.
So finally at the 4th time we started talking and I was saying I want to move back to my home area and he freaked again, screaming, saying he's never moving back there. We've talked about this before and I told him when I moved here that it wasn't a permanent move and that I wanted to go home eventually. He had agreed, and just a couple of months ago he asked if I wanted to move back. I told him today that it's been 5 years and I still don't like it here, so I want to start taking about moving back. He would not budge and was screaming that I should leave and go back and he's never moving.
He blames him being in this country (instead of by his parents) on me and thinks he's compromising by even living in the US, so he should not comprise on anything else. He has lived in the USA since I was 12 years old, long before I met him or had any influence on him, so I don't consider it my fault. He also thinks my parents are "overbearing" and "would influence me" and I would spend too much time with them if we lived hear them. Now he says he's divorcing me and we want different things. I feel like he just doesn't understand marriage and doesn't want to adjust at all.
I know this was a very long post, but I'm super frustrated because this is a cycle that happens over and over. Post just saying he's a jerk and to leave him aren't very helpful. I have never dated anyone else, only have a high school degree, am financially dependent, and we'd get along and have fun maybe 45 percent of the time.
The guy's been controlling your relationship and you since day one. You have allowed it and he's finally backed you into a corner with nowhere to go other than leave or stay and put up with it. At his age, he should have a bit more maturity to understand that things need to be planned and discussed rather than demanding that things just happen. It doesn't matter that you have never dated anyone else etc, what does matter is that you have a choice to remain and keep on being super frustrated or leave....it's your decision. You also have a choice as to whether counseling would assist you guys.
If it's not much fun, then ask yourself just what is it that keeps you with me in an environment of conflict and control because, going by your post, you haven't mentioned your love or any respect for him and it's obvious that he blames you for everything. If you can state that you feel he doesn't understand marriage, then you also need to ask yourself what you need and want out of a successful marriage rather than trying to live with a petulant and immature excuse for a man.
Yes, you're correct, it'll just keep on happening over and over again - he can control and threaten you because you allow it to happen regardless if it's because you're married or for other reasons. You have decided to be a bigger person at certain times, but you need to step up and be a bigger person at ALL times for your own sake.