Brother in law ignores me. Best way to deal with it
although we never really got along, the situation has gotten progressively worse. This guy is the husband of my wife's sister. He has a good job, nice house etc. We rarely meet other than birthdays for our kids. At a birthday party yesterday he completely ignored me and its isn't the first time. He will even go as far to address the person the left of right of me and still cut me dead. Now, I'm not totally broken up about this. Like I said, I rarely see him. However, In February we are going to a family wedding with them and we will no doubt be seated together. I am really not good at confrontations but I am dreading this day. How do you deal with someone like this? I don't want to make a scene.
Our relationships with our in-laws can sometimes be the most challenging because we are ‘forced’ to interact with them even though we may not want to. I know that I feel neglect whenever people refuse to acknowledge me and even worse when it comes from those that are considered family. Have you talked to your spouse about it yet? Maybe they would be able to give you some pointers as to how to address him. If nothing else, have you thought about how you might ask him if he is intentionally avoiding you?
If you would be interested in some additional material, you might find it helpful to read - http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/inlaw-relationships/what-if-an-inlaw-doesnt-accept-me
I found this to be a good read and although it focuses more on the father and mother in laws, I think it might still be applicable to you. I also would encourage you to think or even pray about the anxiety that you are feeling about the upcoming wedding.
You will be in my prayers.
So he's your "brother-in-law by marriage only". Let's anachronise that to T.W.*.T. to save time. ;-p
This bad-mannered, without-etiquette person isn't your brother. Neither is it your brother-in-law. It's your sister-in-law's permanent relationship partner. TW*T himself is neither trying to get on with you nor trying to fix whatever it is about you that he doesn't like/that flicks his nerves and prevents his getting on with you. You don't therefore have enough mental intimacy with him to comfortably confront him. Wife does. But sister does and knows the behind-scenes bits/goings-on. And she has that requisite level of intimacy with YOUR wife/her own sister. Ergo, you should be asking your wife to speak to your sis-in-law to find out why this guy behaves out of character for what both the nature of relationship and venue/occasion would normally dictate and demand of anyone (anyone with any bloody maturity and breeding, anyway).
Alternatively, if you don't think you should have to knock on the door of rejection to ask, 'Whyy are you being so meeeeaaan to meee?', which I would agree with, since it's clearly his issue, as such to tackle or come to terms with and keep contained, not yours, then surely a simple solution would be to confide in wifey and ask her to pass that confidence on to her sister, adding a by-then understandable and perfectly fair enough request, that you and he please NOT be yet again placed together at the same table whereby it spoils all such otherwise enjoyable family occasions that you yourself have as much right as anybody to ENJOY.
The other alternative is, you give him what his behaviour suggests its geared towards: you not engaging with him whatsoever. Taste of own medicine.
If you want to know what's going on, though...The clue is in your seemingly superfluous information leakage at the start there, about his having a good job and a nice house. Are yours better? Does, do you know, blister-in-law hold you up behind closed doors as an exemplar in her bid to make him "try harder", thereby unwittingly creating jealousy and resentment from him to you?
Who is it always manages to somehow engineer you having to sit beside him, anyway? SIL? What - hoping you'll rub off on him, is she?? (Just a theory.)