I had a pretty tough time dealing with a relationship which ended up on a depression crisis for me, she lied and cheated on me after his father died of lung cancer. I was devastated, didn't went to school or a job for a whole year.
Emotionally exhausted y sought and finally got put off all of it.
I got into college and meet a girl on my class who was fond of me. we hang out and things got more serious, it is good and i feel good, most of the times.
But others i feel she is using me for something, not quite sure why, but she says things like "I hope you dream about me" every night, she replays my messages after an hour or so, she does not talk about what is she doing, she is pretty good looking and attractive and she has a lot of guy running after her, i can see she likes that kind of attention. I feel like she is just playing with me because she knows i am very attached to her emotionally but she is not, she says one day she will, but not for a while.
My problem is that i cant identify if all of my mind is thinking are just what remained of my depression crisis or im actually seeing her true intentions and i want to see light where there's just darkness.
If you want to know more or get more details i would answer them with pleasure, thank you for taking the time to read this
She may be good for you - or not. Who knows? She seems to be a bit of a tease.
BUT >>>> One thing is sure: you are not going to see things clearly until this depression is dealt with. Death can throw people into deep depression and affects our health and outlook on like. It can bring on self-doubt about a lot of things. Decisions are hard to make. This is what is happening to you because of grief.
Get a complete physical and talk to your Dr. about your depression. Perhaps a medication for a limited time can help you feel better.
Right now, you are not feeling well enough to deal with the challenges/emotions that a new love requires!
Sorry to come late to the table, but...Me, considering you ARE managing to handle it (or else wouldn't say 'it is good and i feel good, ***most of the time***'), I think you've just hit the point where you start to experience normal, intermittent insecurity wobbles and were in the midst of one when you posted.
Are you feeling better and back to more hopeful again since then?