Anyway, we've been seeing a therapist for a while, and while he did say that I have depression, he mostly focusses on my husbands contribution to all of our problems. After my husband's mother started to show that she didn't like me much, my husband began to be angry with me a lot. He constantly wanted to make me change my personality or just hide who I was. I had begun to stay at home becuase we were planning to try to have a baby. My husband loved the things I did for him at home (cooking and decorating more at the holidays than usual, etc.), but he was ashamed of me around other people. He seemed to want me to create the nice feeling at home that he never had as a kid and be a successful business woman like his mom all at once. This was kind of impossible and not really what I wanted anyway. Then he decided he didn't want kids, and when his family accussed me of not wanting to have a baby, he just let me take the blame. This type of thing has gone on for a very long time. Whenever someone isn't crazy about something in my personality or he just thinks they're not crazy about it , he goes nuts. He wants me to be funnier, louder, quieter, sexier, wilder, just whatever he thinks will make everyone else happy. This used to only happen around family and some of his friends. Now it happens all of the time. It's worse than ever, and then he acts as though I'm never happy enough with him.
Our therapist says that he is putting himself into his mother's role and me into his childhood role. I can definately see that, but nothing ever seems to change. I'm so depressed and alone. Before we started seeing a therapist I overdosed on tylenol pm a few times. I start to feel so hopeless. The truth is, my mother kind of treated me this way. She blamed me that her life wasn't perfect when my step-dad didn't like me. I feel like I will never have anyone in my life who truly loves me. I don't usually feel suicidal anymore, or feel like everything is my fault. But now I can see when my husband is trying to manipulate me, and it hurts so much to know that he would do this to me intentionally. The thing is, the few moments when all of this disfunctional crap isn't going on are incredible. Blissful even. My husband and I deep down are very much the same. We have the same types of insecurities and the same types of pain. But it seems so few and far between now that I can actually get to the person in his soul. And what's worse is that now I'm pregnant. I've wanted children for so long, and I'm very happy about the baby, but I'm terrified. I'm afraid I'll have to raise this baby alone and I don't know if I can do it. I never finished college and I haven't had a job in several years. And worse, I'm afraid my husband's behavior will go on after we're divorced. I have no one to turn to for help. Does anyone have any advice or even just a few words of encouragement? Someone please help!
You posted this a while a go and I have just read it. I'm not sure I have a solution for you. But I hope that if you have now confirmed that you are pregnant that everything is going okay and that your husband has changed and is now being suportive.
Hopefully he has realised that he should love you for who you are and not as someone he can shape into the person he wants you to be.
If you believe in prayer I will keep you and your family in mine good luck
I'm sure you've had this baby by now and I hope all has worked out.
A similar thing happened to me I was in a situation where I never felt I was the person my ex wanted me to be and I realised that this was never going to change.
I found out I was pregnant 5 weeks after we split up, I am a single mum and it's really not that bad I know that it's better than us being together for the baby. The father my ex has stood by me all the way and has really taken on the role as a father he is doing a fantastic job and we are doing it together as very good friends. When the baby was born and my ex changed I was so upset that he could never be so happy and content with me as he is with our son but I am getting through it slowly. I have no regrets leaving him or having the baby as a single mother. I have a fantastic friend and an amazing baby boy. He didn't contact me much through my pregnancy so I was ready to be on my own but now the baby is here I know that even if my ex wasn't around I would never ever have been alone.
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