Who should I listen to, if anyone at all?
I am in need of advice on this situation I am in. I have a group of friends that have experienced a fall out, and I don't know what to do about it. One of my friends, I will call her Uni, has been through a lot of harsh times, and I am one of her only friends. She has 2 others, but she holds me higher in regards to them, more so that she has romantic feelings for me, but I do not return them to her (I wish I could). She cares about my well being, more so than I'm used to, and she actually wants to make sure I'm alright if she suspects anything is amiss.
I met another friend - call her Jay - and we got along decently until she found out about Uni, and said she wasn't good for my health and that I should leave her for my well being. Of course I didn't just listen to her and dump Uni, I tried to work it out with her, and it was a bit wavering when Uni found out Jay didn't want me to be friends with her. Uni got really upset and mad about it, and had an entire group of people attack Jay because she believed Jay was bullying her by saying those things.
Uni dragged another of my friends into the mix - I'll call her Sam - and she said I was bullying Uni by allowing Jay to say such things. Sam almost got herself banned from the site for the things she said to Jay, and all the while Jay was trying to be more cut-to-the-chase and just state the truth of the matter.
The ending result of this was Jay leaving the site Uni and the others were on, me having a fallout with Sam, and Uni never stop speaking of it, no matter what anyone did.
That explanation may of been a bit too rushed or not informed enough of what happened, but Uni has been saying worse and worse things about Jay over time, and its beginning to look like me and Uni's relationship isn't going to get fixed, and I don't know what else I can do about it. Uni has made her own version of this whole thing, and everything I have left to say is 'defending Jay', and it won't help anything. I have told her most of her reasoning is based on just her own opinions of this, and she doesn't care if they are or not.
Jay and almost all of my friends said I should leave Uni, because she isn't good for my health anymore and that our relationship is too broken to fix. Everyone Uni has spoken to thinks Jay is toxic to me, and that she's going to manipulate me to do whatever she wants. I do not know what to do in this situation, and I need advice from someone else about it, I don't want to lose Uni as a friend, but I'm not going to leave Jay either.
you need to get a grip and stop being so cowardly to uni. if you don't have those feelings and you know she does for you then you need to tell her kindly. do you know for sure that uni has feelings for you as a fact, or is this just something you feel might be the case? has she said anything definite to you?
this problem sounds rather immature the more I look at it I'm afraid.(but if you'd like to keep uni as a friend, then there is no real reason why you shouldn't).
jay does sound a bit toxic, sorry. why cant you be friends with both of them and see them at different times? you sound influenced by others which can be dangerous and manipulative for others to get into your head and twist things to their advantage.
uni only has a few friends, so why not be a good friend to her and support her thorugh this rough time, but that means you have to be honest with her so she can decide what to do for herself, you may find that once she knows the real story, she may not actually want anything to do with either you or jay!, but then again she might be sad but still want to be freinds or very grateful so she knows what has been said but needs time away from all of you.
no one likes to be talked about nastily whether meant in fun or blatantly targettted by bullies, so someone who has had a tough time like uni can probably do without these silly games and posturing to win shallow relationships and scored points with stronger people in a group.
you must be strong and talk to uni properly (without telling what went on to your friends).
why are your friends and jay telling you that uni is bad for your mental health? is that the sort of thing genuine friends do or say? it sounds very manipulative of them to be saying things like this, and again (like many of these sorts of problems) it sounds like fear of others getting close to you and they are acting out of insecurity and are threatened that someone has entered your little group and they don't consider uni good enough to talk to you or to them (it sounds like that), but reading your post it also sounds like the friends are wallowing is shallow nonsence and it sounds a bit arrogant and selfish/unfeeling.
maybe it is jay that fancies you too? could that be a possibility?, and is trying to get everyone on side to stop uni getting close to you. it doesn't sound healthy that others are trying to tell you who you can or cant be friends with.
do your friends know the relationship you have with uni, you say uni has few friends, so if that is the case; how can your friends really know the true depth of the relationship you have with uni unless it is you who are telling them all about it? are you guilty in anyway of slagging uni off when you feel stifled by her care for you? if so, then you may also be part of the many reasons that uni is having a hard time and so has latched onto you more for support in a difficult time.
talk to uni, so many of these situations online are problems caused by people who don't talk and then look for ways to ghost lovers/one night stands, ignore or trash friends that they should maybe show a bit more respect to. uni may not be your best mate, but she is problably a good person and if you put yourself in her shoes maybe for a while as 1 person against a whole group of people that are against her (plus having you in the middle of it all for her wavering one way one moment with friends then maybe another way with her the next) doesn't help anyone understand the situation or move on in a mature way.
your friends are falling out because they are insecure and want your attention and want things I suspect with you and them not uni. maybe they are a bit angry with you too but cant communicate that with you so they are taking it out on uni, when she is just like them, another friend/person to talk to in a group.
sorry if this isn't the answer that you were looking for, but it is an outside view and it is honest one from what you have said.
if there is one small thing that can help you or uni via this post then that will be a nice thing maybe.
just communicate honestly and kindly to uni, she may not even be aware that she is too intense for you at the moment, but shutting her out because she doesn't meet your expectations is not very helpful or kind to her. i think it is possible to have her and your freidns in you life. it just needs maturity and honesty rather than spiteful actions and negative talk designed to bring others down! best of luck.