In real need of help and advice!!!
Hi everybody, I'm new here and really hope, that you can help me with my problem. My boyfriend and me started dating last summer, and it wasn't the best relationship. We had our problems, but we still stayed together because we meant a lot to each other and wanted to make it all right.
After I went to my home country for few weeks without him, we had the biggest fight ever. He couldn't trust me anymore and he thougt i had relations with someone else on my trip, and it just wasn't true and it really hurt me that he could think of me like that. I know now, that it was a very big mistake not to take him with me on this trip, because this would be a possibility for him to meet my parents and of course it would help with his distrust. But we had the same problem few months before that, when I wanted to go on a trip with friends of mine, and I told him about it after I bought my ticket, which I now realise is a very big mistake. We fought a lot before the trip, while I was on the trip, after the trip, and when it was time for me to go home and spend some time with family and friends, I really wasn't sure, that I want him there to fight with me all the time. And at that point I wasn't sure anymore, that I want to be with a guy, who constantly fights with me and can't trust me.
So after I was back from my second trip, we started fighting again right away... And I just couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him... We were separated for few weeks, then we started talking again, and we desided, that we want to be together again. The thing is, that he wants me to give him some compensation for what I did to him. At the beginning I really had no idea, what exactly he is expecting of me, so I asked him for help, and he told me that he is expecting a real apology and an expression of my feelings towards him. I did both of those things, even before he told me of them, but now he expects something else from me, and I really have no idea, what more I can do. I keep apologising, telling him that i love him, beeing a much better girlfriend, even he thinks that, but he wants something else from me in order to make it all good again.
Sorry for this very long explanation of my problem, but it's a tricky one, and I would be really gratefull to the people who take their time to read this and to hopefully give me some advice
What you can do is break up and stick to it. He is controlling and insecure, the kind of insecurity you'll spend a lifetime trying to overcome. You will lose yourself if you continue this relationship. It's not worth the effort.
Ask yourself why you need a man in your life who constantly argues with you. Then ask yourself what you are doing with a man who can't trust you through no fault of your own. Finally, ask yourself why you would bother with a man who demands compensation and an apology for basically nothing. The previous poster is spot on and your efforts are better off elsewhere with someone else who appreciates and respects you.
I'm inclined to agree with the previous responders. There is a big issue when one partner makes a habit of accusing the other of some indiscretion or infidelity where none has occurred. It is controlling, it's pretty immature and it can also be a hallmark of an abusive relationship. If he has completely made up the allegations at random, based on nothing than what right does he have to make you feel bad or like you've done something wrong? And if he is randomly accusing you of cheating for no real reason, im not sure that it will stop, I think he will probably keep projecting those insecurities on to you for as long as your with him. Look lord knows im a fixer and im all for giving chances and trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. But this situation does make me a bit uneasy and I'd defintley think carefull if I were you.
I get that when your partner is off travelling or things like that minds can wander and we are probably all guilty of having let ourself imagine the worst at times, but convincing yourself your partner has cheated and accusing them of it based on no evidence and when it's not true is taking it to another level. And that's life...sometimes we have to travel for work or take trips with friends. Can you imagine life with a partner who accuses of some wrong doing every single time you do something without him. It would be emotionally exhausting.
And think about what it's akrwady doing to you. Here you are convinced you've done something wrong and need to be a better gf, apologising to him for something he's made up and you didn't even do. Through your whole post you're expressing a feeling that you've made all these mistakes and done all these things wrong to him....but from what I read you haven't made any mistakes or done anything wrong at all and you shouldn't be made to feel like you have.
Something to think about.