My boyfriend's sister is obsessed with him
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since May 2014. In June 2014, my boyfriend’s estranged sister randomly popped up to his house after hearing from a mutual friend that “he looked very frail and sick”. My boyfriend had lost a lot of weight from stress, after ending his relationship with his ex a few months prior to starting to date me. My boyfriend and his sister had a huge falling out over 10 years ago after their mother had passed away from cancer. My boyfriend had been caring for his mother the entire time. His mother left him money to pay for her funeral and such and there was some money left over. His sister felt that the money should have gone to her even though she hated the mother and emancipated herself at 16 and moved away. The war became ugly between my boyfriend and his sister. She went as far as taking him to court to fight him for the money. She even had her ex speak on her behalf making up a story that my boyfriend was a heavy drug addict and will use the money for his addiction. He did not have a drug problem ever in his life. He has always been clean and focused on bettering his life (not destroying it). She lost the legal battle and my boyfriend used what little money was left after funeral costs to do some repairs on his house.
Years went by and she never once tried to speak to him or make amends. She hated him. So fast forward to 2014. She shows up at his house un-announced. They talk for a while and for the next few months after, she began showing up at his house daily, wanting to hang out and catch up on life. All of a sudden she loved him more than anything in the world. Mind you that she never once apologized to him. Every time that she was over his house, she would be talking non-stop about how she missed him and how she wishes they never lost touch. My boyfriend is too nice and was happy to have a family member back in his life (having no one else) that he let her back in with open arms.
I could feel she never liked me from the moment I met her. My boyfriend and I were new and not exclusive yet at this time. She would always tell him to take his time and not rush into a relationship. We were very happy together and things naturally progressed by October 2014 (5 months later). We became exclusive. She did not seem happy about it when she was around. She would tell him how she wanted to spend time with just him and I would be left out so they could “bond”. They had over 10 years to catch up on. I respected this as I was happy my boyfriend was happy. I could see that he really did miss her and was happy to have her back in his life.
Things continued like this for a while. In Feb 2015 I lost my job and was unsure on how I was going to afford my rent, car payment and all other expenses on measly unemployment. I cancelled my cable and internet services to save money. My boyfriend allowed me to stay at his place and use his internet and computer to find jobs. I was praying he was going to ask me to move in but he didn’t. That’s when things started to get weird between my boyfriend and I. We began fighting about money and my spending. I couldn’t understand where it was all coming from. I ended up finding a job fairly quickly. I was only out of work for 3 weeks. Once I started my new job, I was back to living at my house again.
I began making lots more money at this job. 3 months later, my boyfriend asked me to move in. It was the most exciting day ever! He kept saying how he’s not sure how he’s going to tell his sister. I found this very weird. I remember the day she did one of her random popups at the house and when she walked in, my furniture was everywhere and there were a bunch of boxes. Her face was priceless. She kept shaking her head and saying no. I just laughed it off. My boyfriend had to have a talk with her after that about random unannounced visits. She no longer was able to do this since it was also my house. She hated this! She would continue to do whatever she could to take jabs at me and attempt to scare my boyfriend into not wanting kids or a marriage one day. I would hear her talking about these topics and she expected my boyfriend to be like her. She didn’t want a relationship, marriage, kids or even a roommate. She would talk about how she wanted to marry her brother in a non-sexual way. She wanted to have a bond where they both commit themselves to one another and no one else and grow old as a power sibling duo. I found this disturbingly weird. My boyfriend never took her seriously when she would say these things.
Any time she was over or we were all out, she would talk about all sorts of nonsense. She would not allow me to get one word in. I would literally sit there in silence having to listen to her craziness for hours on end. I would try to talk to my boyfriend about this but he would tell me that she is just amped up from her medications and that I should try to join the conversations. This went on for months. Finally, she got busy with her work and my bf and I had time to ourselves. My bf and I had always talked about moving south. We decided to put a plan in place to make it possible. Somehow, she became involved. She immediately started taking control of everything and wanted us to sell our house and get rid of all our belongings and move in to her house with her and then we would all move south together once her house sells and we would buy a house together. This was not what I wanted. I had plans to get married and have kids once we moved. When she was informed about this, I could tell she was not happy. So she said instead of living in the same house, she would get a small mobile home or live in a guest quarter on our property. I knew this would be a disaster going there with her. But I pretended I was okay with it.
Shortly after, my sister informed me she was pregnant again and asked if my bf and I wanted to visit the family in FL once the baby arrived. I told my bf about this and he was hesitant to want to go. He was stressing about money. And then he randomly brought up one day that when I go to FL, him and his sister (her idea) are going to go stay at one of her girlfriends houses down south and they could go look at houses together. I flipped out as I had every right to. His sister purposely wanted to wait to go look at houses right when I would be unable to. And what angered me more was that he was supposed to come to my families too. I brought this all up to him and told him how this was a plan he and I had and his sister basically forced her way in to being a part of. I was not going to stand for this. He finally could see where I was coming from. That never ended up happening. This infuriated his sister.
She began getting slow on work which resulted in less cash for her and more stress. She started to get really needy. My bf did all he could for her. He gave her money, worked on her house for her, ran errands for her, listened when she needed to talk. He was there completely for her. It was never enough. When she would call him, she would call 10 times in a row and then blow up my phone. I would get nasty messages about how I never answer my phone. This past October, I threw my bf a surprise 40th bday. She didn’t even come cause she didn’t want to miss any opportunity to make money. She took off though a couple weeks before to go hang out with her friend and her friends kids. This hurt my bf. And she turned around and blamed me for her not going saying that I didn’t include her. Such lies!
2 weeks later my bf and I went to FL. She volunteered to housesit as she has always done for us and watch our dogs. Our 1st night there and she was freaking out and sending me nasty texts about how she didn’t know how to work the TV. I sent her instructions and she flipped out on me saying really hurtful things. My bf texted her to see what her problem was and she was all sweet to him. When we returned from FL, we could not find the remote to the cable box. We finally found it hiding under the coffee table with no batteries in it and completely broken in half. This was deliberate. She was mad and broke it. My bf texted her and let her know how upset he was that she broke the remote and hid it. She denied any wrongdoing. The next 24 hours my phone was blown up with threats and horrible things. She laid into me for ruining her relationship with her brother. It was all my fault. I could not understand how any of this was my fault. That day I drove home from work and she showed up right behind me. My bf was not home yet. Her and I talked things out and she began crying. She never once said she was sorry. My bf showed up and she gave us money to buy a new remote and told us it was all by accident. We hugged and she said she’s just been under loads of stress with not working and not having money.
The next few days everything was good. The weekend came and went. Monday I was making dinner and she texted me. She was rude and angry again demanding money for her watching the house and dogs. We never said anything about paying her. She offered to do it. My bf asked me to ask her how much she wanted? She flipped out and began cursing me out and moments later showed up at the house crying and screaming. My bf gave her money and she cursed me out and left. The next 24 hours I was basically told by her that she has never liked me. That she’s been fake all along because she knew her brother liked me. That her brother will break up with me and never marry me or have kids with me cause I’m a freeloading loser with nothing to offer him. She went on to say that he and her would be together in the end and that I will be a thing of the past like all of his other looser exes. She also mentioned that she hated that I “forced” my way into trapping him by living together. She slammed me about my personal life too telling me that I will end up alone in life and that even my family does not want me which is why they are all together and I am alone.
I replied to her that I’m sorry she feels this way and proceeded to block her from being able to contact me. My bf and I talked about this and he agrees that she has lost her mind. She keeps trying to contact him but he won’t talk to her. She keeps telling him that I am brainwashing him and making him stupid and that he needs to open his eyes and see that I am worthless. Unbelievable! She’s a wicked witch. I knew she was trouble the day I met her. I knew after hearing about the mom and how she fought dirty over money that she was a bad person. She needs mental help. She needs medication. But she’ll never get help cause she truly believes that she’s the only one with her head screwed on tight. It’s everyone else that needs the help. She is completely delusional.
So the creepy facts of it all are…
1. She wants to marry by boyfriend (her brother)
2. She’s admitted to having sexual dreams about him and her
3. She does not want him to be happy to with anyone other than her
4. She truly believes that I am trying to trap him and separate the two of them
5. She truly believes that they will end up together in life and I will be a thing of the past
This is agreeably a scary situation. There isn't much you can do in this matter rather than ignore her. Obviously, she's dilusional, and it seems your boyfreind has agreed too. Eventually, she'll settle down. Since she seems to favor her brother (very very unhealthily much). You may want to ask him to talk to her about this. She may not take this well and turn to you for the blame, according to her past behaviors. But as long as she knows she needs to stay at bay from someone she trusts, I'm sure things will improve. I'm sorry I couldn't suggest more!! Best of luck!