Hey, so first time here, woo hoo. Okay now to the whole reason I started this account..... I need help. I met this guy when I was a Freshman. I always thought he was cute and he sort of flirted with me. But I dated 2 guys from the time I met him until the beginning of Sophomore year. We had always kind of talked, but it really peaked once I was single. So after talking for awhile and knowing each other for a long time, we started dating. And now, its a year and 4 months later.
I've got to say, the beginning was so much easier. There was SO much love, and happiness. But now, things are different. I, sadly, need lots of attention. Not like the obsessive kind, but the kind that matches what I give out. To him, he is the first, last, and only person i ever care to talk to. Throughout the day I'll randomly tell him I love him so much, or say things like, " Dangggg who is this cutie?' and SPOIL him with love and attention. And I know he likes it.
And in the beginning he did that to me too. Gosh, he sang a love song on the bus to me before we started dating because he liked me so much. And he'd surprise me by showing up to my place, ready to go out on a date. And now, I constantly have to beg for his attention. He takes 10 minutes or longer to reply to my texts, and when he does reply, it's always the same robotic conversations.
"So wyd?" "hahah really?" "Sureeeeee" "Whatever so wyd?" and on and on and on again
And then now he's obsessed with his phone, immediately answering other people when they text or snapchat him, and yet i have to wait longer. He's MY first priority, but I'm obviously not his. And it kills me.
So today I made sure to take 10 minutes to answer all of his texts, or even longer. Once I waited a whole hour just to see if he'd try texting me again to see what was up. But he didn't. So I gave in, and turns out he really didn't even care.
And now I'm not sure if we should really break up? We aren't the same, but maybe is that just because I keep telling myself that, and so I change the perspective away from what it actually is?
I really am IN LOVE with him. IN LOVE I KNOW. Not infatuation, i've gone through that before. But is it better to break up and go through the PAIN for maybe a better ending? And when I think about us in the future, I know it would be great. Because of how our family values and outlooks on life are the same. But the now is just not good. Should I stay with him in hope for the future?
Or should we break up?
Gosh, I'm sorry this is so long
I know how you feel I have been with a guy now for 4 months absoloutly adore him etc but when it comes to spending time together I plan it etc always text him an call him I always seem to be doing the running, I have lost all my friends an he seems only person right now I have so I have maybe became clingy etc which he has told me I am clingy an its a turn of an I wanted to buy him a christmas present to which I got a text today telling me not to buy him anything cause my clingyness an neediness is pushing him away I am trying to give him space but scared incase he runs away from someone else at the start everything was good he wanted time with me do things etc an now I dunno what he wants yesterday he wanted to lye down an cuddle I was ok with that then now hes acting all strange no texts phonecalls etc just like I dont exsist I have been depressed for last few weeks an starting my counselling tomorrow for help as I have condided alot with my bf which doesnt help as he thinks I am too clingy an self obsessed he doesnt get why I have been maybe like that now I feel I am on eggshells feel as though I am an object in his like one week hes all good wants me to be his serious gf next its like part time like an object pick me up one min an drop the next hes always on his phone messaging his ex cause they have kids together she plays games with him puts things in his head like I am a rebound etc then she plays all nice like tried to be friends with him an he does same back but I told him hes a mug for running after her she tried to get him.beaten up etc at the start of our relationship although she kiked him out etc we became friends an ended up falling for eavhother at such a wrong time due to his breakup an I was going through a breakup not long before his an now we both really like eachother an have both got attached but I think that bit scares him.an he has a thing where he pushes me away he calls it his own space but I see otherwise I dunno what to do ai am finding it hard to be happy as so depressed an don't know if to end it or not I always believe what will be will be an if not then it won't if you truly love someone then is love not enough to fight for them talk to your partner I have an have learned alot but still confused
What is it with TEXTS being the BASIS of your relationship?? W_A_A_Y too much power being given to a TEXT!!
Don't be concerned about what he TEXTS (or doesn't) - be concerned about what he DOES.
Now - what are your hobbies or projects you have besides him and your school?
A project will divert a lot of anxious energy you have focused on this one issue.
I guess a lot of it is texting because his mom doesn't let him hangout often since he has to watch his younger sisters all the time. But you make a really good point. I really feel that if I have something else to do it won't constantly be me wondering when he's going to talk to me. I did get the lead in the school play so that should help. I only feel that I'm going to purposely not talk to him still though and when he doesn't show any concern ill just keep digging myself into a bigger hole
Firstly. it is bordering on infatuation if you're "waiting for an hour to see if he'll text back"... that's not healthy. But I understand why it's developed to that point.
My recommendation here is.. if anything is too available, and too eagerly available - it has the opposite effect on people. think of if you have unlimited chocolate at your disposable and there are just pounds of chocolate all around you every day. And let's pretend chocolate is healthy for you and you don't gain weight. At some point.. friends dropping by bring you a pound of chocolate isn't going to make you twinkle.. it'll be more like, "oh gawd.. MORE chocolate??? ugh!"
You've become the "way too much chocolate" in this relationship. dial it back. Enjoy YOUR life and start doing fun things on your own. Don't be constantly on the text thing and hanging on every text and whe nit happens with him. Give him a reminder now and then you are thinking of him.. maybe what you are thinking (teasing NEVER fails!) and then let it stew in his brain for a while and imagination.
The reason most people LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE chocolate and its so heavenly whenever we have it is..... right.. BECAUSE IT'S A TREAT! We don't have it ALL the time. But anytime we have it.. IT'S SUPER HEAVENLY!
So be like heavenly chocolate. Be heavenly whenever you're together. But allow some time between to let him "miss you" and start to crave you again.
No the ultimate question you may be asking - "when is it me dialing back so he craves me again.. vs he's unintersted and just uses me whenever he wants?" Good question. We'll worry about that later when you get him craving you again. The ultimate answer lies in "be heavenly whenver you are together" to make him keep craving you (which you can't crave something you have every day all the time in your face!), and the rest will take care of itself. That's also where the now and again (once a day.. once every 2-3 days) "reminder" to him about you with a texted "hi there hotstuff.. how is your day?" and then letting it go until he responds.. and continuing that every few days, comes in.
Wow- that actually helps with what I've been thinking today. The "be heavenly whenever you are together" because I think that I let the fear of him losing feelings for me makes me act crazy whenever I'm around him. So I'll try that. But, if I act heavenly what do I do if something starts to bother me? Keep acting heavenly or let him know whats up? Or a certain thing I can keep telling myself to realize it's all in my head?