Am I doing something wrong?

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Posted by FIAXX15 on Dec 23 2016 at 21:59
Member since: 23 December 2016
Gender: Female
Country: United Kingdom
Emotional advice forum category advice forum category

I'm an 18 year old girl and I have no friends, other girls don't seem to like me and I'm not sure what it is I'm doing wrong. The only friend I have is a close family friend who I've known since I was 3 who's a guy (so he's not really my friend out of choice)

At work people seem to like me and have said that I'm really kind and caring and funny but no one seems to want to see me outside of work unless they're a guy flirting with me and trying to sleep with me. I can be a bit socially awkward when I first meet people but I wouldn't say I'm really shy, I can talk to people and hold a conversation.

I've never had many friends at all, I had a group of girl friends when I was around 14 and was friends with them for about a year until they all made new friends and started getting into relationships (which I'm terrible at too by the way I've never had a relationship and everyone whose interested in me only wants to have sex and not spend time with me?)

It really gets me down because all the people I know through work or went to school with have big groups of friends and I see over social media them all having group chats and going out together and I really want that, it's not like I'm expecting to have a huge group of friends like them I just want one or two that I can spend time with.

Has anyone got any suggestions of what I can do or might know what it is I'm doing wrong? Thanks

Reply from LILY31 on Dec 24 2016 at 10:44
Member since: 08 September 2016
Gender: Female
Country: United Kingdom

You're not doing anything wrong, and it's doesn't sound like people dont like you, clearly people do like you, it sounds like you got low self esteem that's making you think negatively? Could be wrong.

People at your work could just be busy outside of work, doesn't mean they do want to go out with you or dislike you. Also I think friends come and go, I don't think I'll be friends with some of my friends I have now at school, when I go to uni.

Why do you think this guy, is a friend out of choice? I think he would of stopped being friends with you a long time ago if that was true, so carry on being friends with him .

Reply from COOLKID on Dec 28 2016 at 07:21
Member since: 27 December 2016

Hey there! I really do understand what you are going through. You sound like a unique person who is just questioning the world and thinking why do I not fit in. The problem that I had with friends growing up in school and such, was really trying to fit in way to hard... Most of my friends, that i went to elementary school with and grew up with them were pretty much the " Popular kids" in school. I really did want to fit in with them, but I guess you can say i just really couldn't be myself around them. I had to make sure I was doing everything "cool" just like them. While I had made some new friends which i really got close with and finally was able to be myself, at times i worried about what my other "popular" friends were thinking about me and probably what a loser that I'm hanging out with these "non-popular" kids, which made me not really be as close with the group of people I fitted in most with. Anyway, i could be totally wrong, but maybe this is what your going through, and your just trying to fit in with people that aren't your taste... your not the only person in your school that is having this situation. Everyone fits in somewhere.

Reply from PINKNOVA on Jan 3 2017 at 21:03
Member since: 03 January 2017
Gender: Female
Country: United States

I'm a 20 year old girl and in the same sort of boat. I've never had many friends, only guy friends who I occasionally slept with or who wanted to sleep with me. I want a couple of close girl friends but don't have anywhere to meet people and girls just don't seem to be interested in being friends with me. Are you tomboy-ish? A little different or eccentric? Maybe not into doing the typical activities of groups of female friends? I'm all of the above, and a bit of introvert.

So here's what you can do. For starters, find a hobby or two, and also work on improving yourself! I spend a lot of time learning new things and working on self-development. I paint, and draw, I learned how to crochet and knit, and I'm teaching myself to play guitar. I also started making a daily routine of meditating, doing some yoga, etc. You can take short free courses online, read, anything really. This helps you enjoy spending time with yourself more, have better self esteem, and less of a need to be with people.

Secondly, remember this: to make a friend, you have to be a friend! I have social anxiety as well which makes it hard to reach out to people. But, let's say you find some cool hobbies for yourself, and there, you have something to talk about! You may even meet friends through your new hobbies.

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