Trapped and miserable (relationship, work, depression, & anxiety problem)
I don't know where to begin. Everything in my life is wrong. I'm very unhappy in my relationship. My partner became emotionally and verbally abusive about a year ago. He's been better recently but who knows. I really loved this man when we first got together and I still love him but I fear him too much to ever be truly happy with him again. I didn't leave him because I was scared to. He's made threats before that he'll hurt me or himself if I leave. I have been put through emotional torture with this man. To make matters worse we work together. I'm his boss. I want to fire him because he's become lazy and talks back every time I tell him to do anything. But I'm afraid of what would happen if I did fire him. I wish if he really loved me he would just let me go to move on. It would be better for him too.
I hate my job as well and would hate it even if he wansnt there. It causes me major anxiety and makes me really unhappy. The depression and anxiety that I developed is part of what made my boyfriend so angry with me. I don't think he would have turned into a monster if we hadn't worked together and if I hadn't become so sad and antsy all the time. It's no excuse for his behavior but I acknowledge I hurt him too and we went through tough times as well. We were so happy before we worked together. Unfortunately, I can't leave my job right now because I have made a commitment to the business and I would lose a significant amount of money if I didn't wait a year.
I have never been this depressed or lonely in my life. I have never felt more trapped. I feel so sad all the time. It's like a weight that is constantly crushing me. I barely leave the house because I'm so depressed and anxious. I have become a lazy person who I hate. I need advice on how to get by for now and what to do. How can I make myself a little less miserable during this challenging time. I have long term plan. In a year I can leave my job and move away from my partner, so I can be safe. I just hope I have the strength to do it. I worry about being afraid to live just by myself. At least with him I have company. But that's a stupid thought. I know what I should do eventually. A year is a long time to wait whilst this unhappy, so I just need help to get through it. Thank you for reading. Any advice or support is appreciated.
I wanted to ass that Im also struggling with feeling so tired from the depression/anxiety and struggling with just basic functioning in life. My brain feels clouded and it's hard for me to focus. I feel like I'm failing at life. Little things like brushing my teeth and paying my bills feel like the ultimate challenge even though it should be so simple. I feel like I can barely think and move anymore.
it might be worth talking with your doctor if you haven't already, they might be able to prescribe something short term to help you think for a while and clear you mind. have you tried herbal remedies to help with sleep, good rest and exercise or being in a natural environment can help you mind take some of the worries away again for a short time, and you may sleep better too and gain a bit more self confidence as well.
Samaritans or some other organisation might be worth a confidential chat to, and you can call anytime day or night.
as for your employee, you do have grounds to fire him if he is not pulling his weight and answers back. it might be worth issuing an final warning that if anything else happens he will be no longer required at your firm.
I'm not sure why you are waiting a year to leave someone who is making and has made you so unhappy. this is someone threating your well being and mental health as well as potentially causing harm to himself and maybe you.
it sounds a s though things have got out of control so that's why I think if a doctor is involved or some kind of counsellor (maybe through your doctor or privately) it can help you talk about things that are troubling you and you can release some of that built up emotion.
your health is suffering as you recognize because you cannot release things in a healthy way.
maybe for starters think about G.P., exercise, proper rest and good sleep, avoiding alcohol or anything that messes with your head (people included) and eat healthy foods.
you sound completely burnt out mentally, maybe the Christmas break can give you a little time off to plan small steps to get well again.
only you know whether you really are in love with this man or if you have fallen into a habit of being with him and are frightened to leave what you know and is a security blanket for you.
can you take a holiday at any time, a weekend break away or day trip/week where you don't have to think too much but can have a bit of fun or be a bit more spontaneous.
you say you love him, but if he doesn't love you you are in danger of never moving forward with this situation.
if you cant take a holiday, can you spend more time in the company of friends or just plain happier people for a day/weekend or something. you are taking a lot of blame it sounds, but what about him pulling weight. if he has no respect for you at work or as a couple, what keeps you with him?
work on getting yourself back to being yourself. maybe take small steps rather than look to a yearly plan right now. I think once you are starting to see things a bit clearer, you may find you want to act sooner than another 12 months.
good luck with this. if you can talk things through with trusted professionals or those that know you well you will give yourself more confidence to choose things that can make you strong again.
best of luck with this. lots of people can eventually learn to manage elements of their depression, anger or low esteem, just being here is a start and hopefully will give you the courage to move forward for the new year.
I know this is so hard for you to deal with, someone who you deeply loved who you thought would bring you joy and happiness and is now bringing you depression and anxiety. I myself am in a situation like yours, but not with relationships. One day, when I really just took a deep breath, no tv, no electronics, no distraction, and thought about my life ahead of me, as I was unhappy with the direction I have been taken in life. I thought to myself very deeply on what the purpose of this so called " life " we live. you heard the saying life is to short, well it is, so why the hell are we living in the daily routine of being unhappy and doing nothing about it... until one day, but that one day maybe to late. Act now, I know its easier said then done, but drop your boyfriend. YOU DO NOT NEED HIM as you even know this for yourself. If he says he will hurt you, call the damn cops. Who is this guy to control you happiness and your life? He's no one. You are in charge of your happiness, no one will make a decision for you, you must act yourself.
As for the job part, find something that makes you happy... I really want you to think about this. Think to yourself. Am i really about to work this job, which I absolutely hate for the REST OF MY LIFE? That is so sad to hear, and frankly so many people are living in this invisible jail cell, that they're not even aware of... your going to work this miserable job all week, be depressed all week, come home, go to sleep, wake up do it again, until the day you are off, but youll be so depressed about work you wont even enjoy your day off... This is going to be your life if you do not act accordingly and act fast. With all due respect, if you do not stand up for yourself and change directions, you will be living a miserable life for the rest of your time here on earth. But it can be changed...
I suggest you both take a long break from each other. It really helps. Then you will know how much you both need each other. As for work if you can manage to move on from there. Start spending time with families and close friends. Travel a lot get to meet new people and friends just avoid any form of intimacy with anyone else. Use time to test and determine what you should really be doing in your relationship. Often times we get impatient so quickly and fail to use time as a tool for making wise decisions. Timing is everything use it properly don't rush just find the right social activities to alleviate some of the stressors so you can cope whilst you patiently wait on time to determine your move.