He is former military and exactly the "soldier type": strong but silent. Years of begging for more intellectual and emotional conversations led to no success so I feel like I'm numb to any emotion with him now. He recently had too much to drink and became the person I fantasized him being when I was younger; he talked deeply to me for the first time in years, but I only felt numb through it and wished he would go to sleep.
Life is incredibly convenient with him, as he stays with the kids while I work during the day. We have been to counseling before, 6 sessions to help me cope with the lack of communication. But that was a few years ago. Most things he does drive me crazy. He's on his phone 24/7. I admittedly am on mine often but make a conscious effort to put it away around the kids.
I'm not a jealous person and I realize he has needs and "takes care of them" himself as our bedroom life is non-existent. The issue is that I'll see him looking at naked women on his phone while laying next to me in bed. I'll tell him that makes me upset, he throws his phone and goes to sleep, never to discuss it again.
Being around family for the holidays has been great, but it seems like every single time he says anything it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. Everything he does bothers me and I am having trouble ignoring it now, so it's constant bickering when we are alone.
We do tons of activities together with the kids, but it's always about the kids. We go somewhere almost every weekend but we mostly engage with the kids instead of each other. The thought of taking a trip with just him sounds joyless but I'm wondering if maybe we need to do something for a few days alone to find our grove again. We are married out of convenience right now it seems, but I don't want it to be like that.
WHY are both of you on the phone all the time? No wonder you have lost that lovin' feeling.
"yeah, didn't like what it said"
If you are in the military, then avail yourself to the chaplain. He/she has heard all this before.
Your husband sounds like he has PSTD and that loving message on such a violent weapon piece is a contradiction to his mindset.
Get HIM and YOU into counseling ASAP!!