Want to start a new life
Sorry for posting this again, my first one got cut off and I do not know how to delete it ! Thanks in advance
Hey all, I'm stuck in a situation where I really want to change complete directions In my life. I am 19 years old and ever since I was a little kid ( about 12 13 years old) I always wanted to be a fighter (MMA,UFC) I joined a gym about 6 years old and ever since like 3 years ago, I have been basically in the gym training 5-6 days a week. For those of u who know about being a Pro Athlete, especially one where u have no teammates, u can imagine what the daily grind is required to be the best.
I was always sure and 100% certain this Is what I wanted to do in life. I dedicated my self 100%. This " dedication " really took away anytime spending with friends outside of school, and I decided not to get a job cause it would interfere with my training. As you can see pretty much it has taken my whole so and so youth away. Anyway, something happened in my life where I really just took a moment to analyze my life. I always see on social media how my friends are having the time of their lives, Partying, drinking, blah blah, just really enjoying life. while I'm here worrying about if I'm going to make weight for the next competition. Aside from all this thinking, I really asked myself " is this what I really wanna do?" I literally sacrificed so much for this sport and as all of you know, the completion/daily grind only gets harder as you move on up.
To conclude all this, I really just want to enjoy life. enjoy my youth, go out get a job, go to school, and just be able to really kick it with my friends and family and not worry about if eating this bagel is going to make me miss weight. Another thing I am missing to is and why it is so hard for me just to stop is because of my instructors/ coaches. They have put so much time in me and have given me so much, it would make me feel so guilty just to give up on them =[ Such a tough situation I am in, and I really cant talk about it with anyone because I am scared as to see what they will think of me.
Please, any advice will help. Thank you for reading this.
If your passion to be a MMA professional is there, then you will be one. If you're looking over your shoulder to see what your friends are doing and liking the look of it, then your passion is starting to slide. Your coaches have no say in the matter because your mind set needs to be in the right place for them to succeed to get you to the top. You can be fit as any with all the right skills, but your mental state needs you to be committed and you're basically wasting everyone's time, including your own, if you aren't committed.
Respectfully, regardless of the considerable effort you have put into the sport, if you don't have the will to see it through, then be honest with yourself and go and do what you need to do to be happy. Don't waste the person you really are by trying to keep others happy at your own expense.
firstly, it may be worth talking to your parents or people that know you very well to see what kind of things they think you would do well at or to see what options you could look at in terms of job, career, college etc. (if you don't have too many ideas already about what it is that you would like to do with the time you'll have free). then maybe speak to the organisations/institutions you'd like to be involved in or careers advisors.
friends may also give you specific advice about college or jobs.
would it be worth taking a year out from your sport/discipline enjoying time with your friends and then going back to the training, it might be that you are just tired with it all for now and need some time out to reassess and recharge your batteries again. I think you might know for sure if you take some time out if you want to leave for good. (but again, I think if you were to go down that route you should talk to your trainers/coaches etc so they can plan around your decisions).
if you know for certain that you really do want this and are ready for change then i wouldn't feel to bad about it. you have devoted a lot of time to something that was very disciplined, so don't feel too bad about the missed years, you already have gained a lot of skills and qualities that will be very useful for you when you get into an area that interests you more and you will get the attention I suspect of people who will be willing to help you find the right path as I would bet you have a good sense of maturity and team playing that some others in your peer group age may not have fully developed yet. (I don't mean that in a bad way and stress that i am not labelling all teenagers as immature... I know there will be and are many young adults who have great sense of responsibility and maturity and may also be able to share with you their life expereicnes and give you some tips on how to go about things for your new changes.
you are at an age group luckily where not everyone knows what they want to do, or are always in a place where they are lucky enough to be doing it, so you may not be alone in looking for a new direction.
your youth hasn't been wasted as such, you have just taken a more structured and focused route than others at an earlier stage in your life. so I think you will fit in well with whatever it is you choose to do.
I think its good that you have recognised you'd like to change things for yourself now and move forward. many people stay with things that are making them feel unfulfilled and over a period of time may lose passion or respect for whatever it is that is not changing. don't let things get to the point where you hate what you once loved because it has stopped being fun or because you are scared to leave it and more on. its not good for your development, and I think sooner or later you will probably want to go anyway.
you sound as though you are entering a very exciting time potentially, and im sure there will be many employers, colleges etc who would be more than happy to have you on board.
the best thing I can say (and its just a view) you don't have to take this, its just an opinion; but I would say maybe talk to those you trust and know you well, do a bit of research too so you have more options on what it is that you want and can look at the downsides and commitments needed too, then take some steps to make things more certain for yourself and you will be on your way.
very best of luck with this. no one will be expecting you to get it 100%, so if you try something and it doesn't work, then try again or go back to have another re-think. I think the best thing you can do is get some ideas and take steps to make things happen. a new year can bring new choices for you so why not go for it. if you think it through properly and are sure in yourself this is what you want then don't be too hard on yourself.
As to your coaches and what they will say. you may find your coaches are a bit shocked, or unhappy or question your decision; but in the end I'm not sure any coach is going to want to keep putting time into someone in the long run that has lost the desire to train for the levels pro-competition requires. you have given them a lot (and for a long time) and now you feel you want something else. your coaches may have already seen things at the end of the season or in training etc that have made them wonder whether you really want this lifestyle anymore, or if they haven't they will have certainly seen other people in your position who young and older than you realised they also no longer wanted to do pro-competition anymore.
I think it is better to be honest with the coaches now so they can get used to rescheduling your timetable, or work out any contractual agreements that you may have to oblige before they can officially let you go. either way, they will need to adjust to you not being under their training and so I think its only fair that you let them know what you feel. if you are the sort of person that will find it hard to go into the details, then maybe get your parents to meet with the coach or write to the appropriate authorities.
alternatively, you may find if you do leave that you miss the competition and find yourself going back to it in a year or two; it happens sometimes. but the point is that you want change now, so have an opportunity to change things for yourself.
I can understand why you feel anxious about disappointing others, particularly if you have been involved with them for a number of years, but if your heart is not in it anymore, you are probably going to feel more unhappy, dissapointed and frustrated in the long run and will not have the hunger it takes to win. if I were in your position; I would want to try something else, you can always go back if you realise it didn't work for you. and you miss the sporting life.
and as far as the fun that your friends are having goes, I wouldn't worry too much or be too concerned about that, not everything that people say and do on social media is as fun or fulfilling as is claimed; endless fun and parties is great up to a point, and then it starts to get boring, desperate or repetitive.
I think you'll be fine. just give what you DO want some thought and I'm sure you'll be ok. good luck.
Thank you guys so much for taking a moment of your day to really help me out. So glad I came to this char where I can get feedback from much wiser and experienced people. I really appreciate the great advice given to me, and I will absolutely be using it to help me make a decision. God Bless.