My BF and I have been together for two years. Two very hard years without giving too much background. We moved in together in July of last year.
Recently, before Christmas, I became very convinced he was cheating. I tricked him into giving me his iCloud password. I know deceiving on myself.
I downloaded an app that allows you to see all texts and everything except other apps that are not traditionally on your phone like Snapchat and Facebook. I began reading texts messages and found that he was in fact cheating with the very woman I had questioned him about weeks and months prior. Although he says there was never anything physical and there are no texts to indicate physical he had built a full relationship with her. He was discussing leaving me after the new year and telling her he loved her amongaslew of other discussions. He made me out to be a horrible person. He lied to me about being at work and was actually helping her get her kids from her ex. The list goes on.
Now I'm not perfect but I do things to make sure he knows he's appreciated like notes in his lunch daily, I clean cook iron his clothes everything to make his life easy because he works and I don't. I deal with the kids (combined we have 7 in the home) and the dogs and the house and bills and everything really except his work for him.
Now in looking I also found that this wasn't the only relationship he has had behind my back. I found at least 11 in the last year some being physical.
I immediately confronted him. Now I'm not helping him make excuses but it has been a year for us that most people wouldn't even begin to understand. However his reasoning was that he wanted to feel wanted.
Ultimately I told him if we were going to even begin to think about repairing this I want access to everything. iCloud, phone, everything.
He immediately agreed but has since been reluctant to follow through. To this day I still do not have his iCloud password. The Snapchat has not been deleted. And I have no idea what else is on his phone.
I have held my ground and that's caused some big fights the last couple weeks. He "doesn't want to feel grilled or monitored all the time" but I feel unless he's willing to give up the passwords then there's something more to hide. I don't necessarily need to look all the time but the fact that I have the password tells me he knows I could look at any time and therefore he has nothing to hide.
Thoughts ideas ? I really am lost and these kids all deserve better both mine and his.
Oh and he works with her. I demanded proof it was over and short of talking to her that's really impossible and I backed off of that already and am regretting that I did.
If I left anything out please ask its a lot