Transferring colleges... What to do with the girl I love?
I'll be switching universities from the one my girlfriend and I currently attend in the Fall (about seven months from now.)
I met her about a year ago and we've been dating for around nine months now. She's a great girl and I do feel that I love her, and I know she loves me. I can see myself marrying her. However, I will be attending a university about three hours away from her. My heart tells me it won't work out. I don't know if I can devote weekends to seeing her due to time & homework. I also feel like i would be more free as a single man on campus.
She brings it up often and hints at staying together. I kind of shrug it off and change the topic quickly. I don't know if I should tell her I plan on ending it then , now - I do want to spend as much time with her as I can - or if I should wait until the last month before I transfer and let her know. I fear how she'll react if I tell her now. I mean, things could change but I see that as unlikely.
I find myself consumed by the thought, daily. I feel like I cling to the days and resent the seven months dwindling down. I'm loosing my focus and happiness, mainly because I feel I'm keeping this bottled up.
Any advice or words to put my mind at ease?
I think feeling uncertain about relationships and uni is normal but How do you know unless you try? Which is what I'd say to my bf, if he went wobbly on me before we go to uni!
You could get to your new uni as a single person in 7 months time and be kicking yourself that you or both of you decided to end things and you miss her. If you try, then you know.
If you do really love her ( might want to marry her one day) then look for ways to keep things going.
3 hours isn't too bad by car if you both drive, if not, see how long it is by public transport ? If you plan ahead, like make dates when you're going see each other, take it in turns to drive or meet up halfway then it start to work I think. I can only guess it would be really hard but you don't have to see each other every weekend, could be every two. That's how I would sell it anyway :).
She probably brings it up a lot to find out what you're thinking and is looking for reassurance that you're not going to end things :-/. She could be worried if your not telling her what you think, sounds like she really likes you if she's hinting.
Maybe she has some ideas as to how things can work too so listen to her. Next time don't change the subject, keeping talking, ask her about things that you're worried about too.
are you transferring just fr the final year? how long ill u be away from her?
its sweet that you can see yourself marrying her. but i totally get being afraid with the long distance thing and thinkng you need to end.
as this is bring you down and this is uni where you need to stay focus, i believe its healthy is you talk about how u see her buy also your fears and what that in turn brings out. who knows maybe she feel the same as you. frightened and wanting an answer. no ne lies waiting in limbo.
now no onw knows unless they give it a shot at long distance.
i;m form the generation of online chatting and my friends from school days who are highly active in my life are connected with me through online- messenger/skype/watsapp/viber.
in fact my hsuband and i met in uni, and for the summer break i went back home for 2 months and we kept in touch via calls and video chat. with watsapp, u can call, voice or video call etc.. and really u can do it anytime. if you are on final year u both will be busy, but it doesnt mean you cant have study dates - just speakphone on wifi so its like she's in the room or on video but u are doing your own thing but if you want to ask a question you can ask.. it just means u are not there.. and the same goes with if you guys want to go out, do it and come back home and chat or say good night or maybe if you have your own room u can leave the cam on for each othe and when you retrun, she see u if she's up and can say hi. so its like you both are connected. you can meet once a month or every 3 weeks, week goes by so fast in uni.and take turns vistiting. see it as nnuber of weeks away once u transfer- trust me its not that bad. especially final year when all that cramping and late nights start, u will just want to know someone else is up with you as well doing the same thing, and its really comforting to have that. highly doubt you will start dating a girl on the final year or doing much singleton partying.
however if what you want is to see other women by saying you want to be a single free man, then you are not really into her. by now after a year, u dont feel like u want to commit- exluding the fact of leaving the uni, then u need to be honest to her and break up with her now. sometimes a break up will let you know how you really feel about her. and if you feel made the wrong decision at least u can work things out while u are not away from each other. sometimes you need to loose something to know how you really feel. and noting is worse than not being able to get back together because distance and communication issue stands in your way than face to face.
good luck. only you know how u feel about her.