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Sad and confused

Posted by JR71 on Jan 4 2017 at 21:32
Member since: 04 January 2017
Gender: Female
Country: United States
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category I met my current boyfriend about 8 months ago and we became very serious about 5 months ago. In the past 5 months, I have been through his first ex wife and mother of 2 of his grown daughters (25 & 24) passing away, birth of his first grandchild, meeting his parents and siblings over the holidays, dealing with his 13 year old son's mom, etc. I feel like we have been through what it takes some couples years to go through in just 5 short months. We've practically moved in together and although I know he's just as committed to me as I am to him. I must say that I came into the relationship with zero drama. My 2 sons are 26 and 24 and out of the house and on their own. His daughters however, are completely dependent (financially, emotionally, etc) on their dad. This is something that he created since they were very young and although they're now 25 and 24, they are not independent and rely on him for everything. This has cut into our alone time and we've become an old couple instead of a new couple still learning about each other.

My problem is I feel like I've bit more than I can chew and feel a bit overwhelmed at how little time we actually have "alone" even when we're together. The icing on the cake for me was our recent conversation where he told me that he loves me but he doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about him. According to him he doesn't want to separate and he wants to stick it out, but who wants to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way you do? I see forever with him and although it's what he wants, he also says that he wants to feel the same way I feel about him. I think this might be an excuse and he's just looking for me to be the one to walk away since he probably doesn't have the courage to do it.

So what do I do? Do I walk away now knowing that he may never feel the same way I feel about me, or do I stay in hopes that one day he will feel the same way I do. I'm so torn. He possesses all the qualities I've ever wanted in a man minus the not feeling the same way I do. He's loving, respectful, considerate, funny, and loyal and every one who meets him tells me he's the one. I just can't get over him not feeling the same way I'm feeling. Am I right to feel this way, or am I overacting?

Reply from MANALONE on Jan 9 2017 at 00:21
Member since: 29 December 2013
Gender: Male
Regardless of what sort of an ideal guy he is, if he doesn't have the courage to make important decisions(have a look at his dependent mid 20's daughters)then basically, that's one stand out flaw in his character. If you're happy to remain knowing that you're not getting back what you're putting in emotionally, then do so.

On the other hand, ask yourself why you would remain with a guy who you have supported emotionally throughout the last 5 months to, going by your post, a somewhat intense degree, who then turns around and states that he doesn't love you as you love him and then leaves you hanging with that statement.

You've hung onto his hand and supported him when he needed you and now he's declared he might love you as you love him, but not now thank you..maybe in the future? In the meantime, you get to have him with his attached daughters.

Reply from SUSIEDQQ on Jan 9 2017 at 04:22
Member since: 27 December 2013
Well, he has a lot of baggage, but that's life and he sounds like he's got his hands full right now.

And then, there's you, asking that he make some kind of commitment after only 8 months - right in the middle of all this.(death of ex, grieving/clingy adult children, grandkids, etc.)

If he's as wonderful as you say, then give him some time to come to the same place as you are.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?